Looking At our Options

Posted on May 20, 2016 by James Gorton

Looking at our options is so important today when we encounter problems in life.  Often times we only see one option and that option isn’t comfortable.  It’s hard.  It’s the worst case scenario.  It’s yes or no.  We feel boxed in by the options and get trapped into thinking that there is no other option in life but the negative one.

But what if we opened up our mind and began to look at options that we never thought of before?  What if we could come up with options that had no negative side effect and only an upside to the option?  It’s a no lose option and a total win option.  Nothing to lose and everything to gain approach.

I came across this perspective as I was reading in II Kings in the Old Testament of the bible.  It’s a story about a famine in the land where a city was being besieged by another country and the city had run out of food.  The enemy had cut off all supply lines of food and people were panicking.  The story begins there.  “Now there were four men with leprosy at the entrance of the city gate. They said to each other, “Why stay here until we die? If we say, ‘We’ll go into the city’—the famine is there, and we will die. And if we stay here, we will die. So let’s go over to the camp of the Arameans and surrender. If they spare us, we live; if they kill us, then we die.”” 2 Kings‬ ‭7:3-4‬ ‭NIV  The worst case for the 4 men who had leprosy was that they would die in all their options, so anything better than that option was positive.  They would die in all their options, so any option that brought them food was a win for them.

If we think of the worst case scenario and look at the various options, any option that brings about a positive outcome is a win for us.  If we ask for something and we don’t get it, we haven’t lost anything because we didn’t have it anyway.  But if we ask for something and we get a positive response, we have gained something and come away a winner.  When you set your options in a no lose and everything to gain approach, your whole outlook transforms.

On this journey the no lose everything to gain approach to our options in life opens the door for a truly wonderful life on a daily basis.  Positive options are the road to travel.

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Branding

Posted on May 19, 2016 by James Gorton

Branding is a popular term in our culture today.  Every business is trying to be branded for something.  Beer commercials. Geico.  Fast food joints.  Have it your way.  You deserve a break today.  You have worked hard.  You deserve it.  Shoe companies touting their latest shoes.  Tech firms seeking to get an edge on their competition need a brand that sets them apart.

I guess I have been branded over the years for my dress.  For about 25 years I have been wearing cowboy boots.  I wear them 350+ days out of the year.  In the past few years, I have engendered the Tommy Bahama shirt, so it’s cowboy boots and Tommy shirts.  That has been my physical brand.

As I was reading in I Kings the other day, I found another person who was branded by his clothing.  It was Elijah the prophet.  There were some people trying to find Elijah and didn’t know where to find him.  The people who knew Elijah responded by telling them what to look for in Elijah’s dress.  “They replied, ‘He had a garment of hair and had a leather belt around his waist.’ The king said, ‘That was Elijah the Tishbite.’”  Elijah was branded by a garment of hair and a leather belt.  ‭‭2 Kings‬ ‭1:8‬ ‭NIV

But that isn’t all that Elijah is known for.  He was a prophet that trusted God and was used by God to bring forth God’s direction and plan for all kinds of people that he came in contact with.  He walked with God and did His bidding to the point that when God was ready for Elijah to leave this earth, Elijah didn’t die, but was taken from this earth by a chariot and angels coming to take him.  His faith and obedience in the Lord was truly his brand.

Although I wear cowboy boots and Tommy Bahama shirts, that is not what I would like to be branded by ultimately.  I want people to see that I walked with God and was obedient to His plan for my life which I am seeking to follow everyday.   The ultimate brand that comes from the Heavenly Father is the brand that I seek on a daily basis.

On this journey, it is important to choose that brand that we want to be known for.  Physical brands will vanish over time, but spiritual brands will last forever.  Choose wisely.

 

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Creating Community

Posted on May 11, 2016 by James Gorton

I shuttle for Airpark Auto Service a couple of times a week.  What that means is a glorified bus driver for customers who are dropping their car off to be fixed or have called because their car is fixed and need someone to come and drive them back to the shop.  I love shuttling customers as I have the privilege of meeting very interesting people with very interesting jobs and experiences in life.  A computer programer for farm tractors.  Salesman for large industrial washers and dryers.  Buyer for retail shops in hotels throughout the world.  Shoe salesman who makes frequent trips to Italy to buy shoes for his shop.  Retired person who works full time for the special olympics.  About every profession you could name I have probably shuttled them two and from the shop.

Yesterday was an interesting experience.  I decided to drive Nadine to work because I would be back at the shop later to help her close.  There were two individuals who needed to go to work and worked in buildings within a mile of each other.  I opened the door for each of them and introduced myself and they in turn introduced themselves to one another.  I usually ask what type of work they invest their lives in and when I did this, a conversation ensued between John and Bill.  As they began to ask questions, commonality began to percolate with each question.  They worked in different companies, but one company was owned by the other.  They at one time worked in the same building clear across the country in the same company.  They married friends of the other person.  They couldn’t stop talking about the commonality of their past and present lives.

None of this would have happened had no questions been put on the table (or in the shuttle van as was the case).  How often do we pass someone in the car or on the street, or in a building and never connect with them and miss out on the possibility of creating a new connection.

In order to connect with someone, you have to slow down and say “Hello”.  It may mean asking a question or two to someone new that comes into our lives.  Who know’s what kind of community is waiting for us if we only take some time to get to know people around us.

On this journey, new friends are sometimes only a question away.

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How To Win Friends

Posted on May 9, 2016 by James Gorton

In this day and age of hustle and bustle, building friendships are becoming the exception rather than the rule.  People are tied to their phones and/or their computers, and the human touch is becoming a thing that is secondary.  Going out to eat at a restaurant is a prime example to see what I mean.  Observe the number of people at their table pulling out their phones to text someone who isn’t even there.  I timed a couple who were both at the table looking at their phones to see how long it would take them to look up at one another and begin conversing.  They went 20 minutes before a word was spoken to the other person.  20 minutes.  Not much connecting as friends during that time.  At least with the person they were face to face with.

When you think of connecting with friends, you might want to take advice from someone who had a lot of friends and cultivated their friendships.  Would you take advice from someone who was deceitful?  How about someone who murdered his step brother?  Or someone who torched his friends property because he wouldn’t listen to him?  I wouldn’t either until I read a story about such a person.

It’s a story about a person named Absalom.  He was one of the sons of King David who in the course of time killed his step brother for raping his biological sister.  His father never punished the son for raping his daughter.  Absalom was resentful to his father for the way King David had handled the whole situation and decided to win the people of Israel over to his side.  You can read the whole story of this encounter between King David and Absalom in II Samuel 13-15, but I was intrigued with how Absalom won friends in the course of taking over the Israelite kingdom deceitfully.  I believe there are principles of building friendships even with this scoundrel.

“In the course of time, Absalom provided himself with a chariot and horses and with fifty men to run ahead of him. He would get up early and stand by the side of the road leading to the city gate. Whenever anyone came with a complaint to be placed before the king for a decision, Absalom would call out to him, “What town are you from?” He would answer, “Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel.” Then Absalom would say to him, “Look, your claims are valid and proper, but there is no representative of the king to hear you.” And Absalom would add, “If only I were appointed judge in the land! Then everyone who has a complaint or case could come to me and I would see that they receive justice.” Also, whenever anyone approached him to bow down before him, Absalom would reach out his hand, take hold of him and kiss him. Absalom behaved in this way toward all the Israelites who came to the king asking for justice, and so he stole the hearts of the people of Israel. At the end of four years, Absalom said to the king, “Let me go to Hebron and fulfill a vow I made to the Lord.” ‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭15:1-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Principle One:  You need to put yourself in the place of getting in front of people.  Absalom “would stand by the side of the road leading to the city gate.”  If we are going to develop friendships, we need to be where the people are and make ourselves available.  Put away the phone when you are in the presence of others.

Principle Two:  We need to connect with the roots of where people are from.  Absalom “would call out to him, ‘What town are you from?’  People love to talk about their background if you take the time to engage.

Principle Three:  Validate a person’s issues and concerns.  Absalom “would say to him, ‘Look your claims are valid and proper.’  Validation of the feelings and concerns of another person goes along way in building connection with the person.

Principle Four:  Physical touch.  Absalom “would reach out his hand, take hold of him and kiss him.”  Touching our friends is one of the ways to bond ourselves to our friends.

Principle Five:  Time.  “At the end of four years, Absalom. . .”  It takes time to build solid relationships and so take the time.

On this journey it is important to take whatever God gives us as teaching opportunities for learning how to connect with those God brings into our lives.  Even if we learn from someone who has less than honorable values.

 

Posted in Parental Relationship, Personal mastery, Relationships in General, Spousal Relationship | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Do You Really Believe?

Posted on April 28, 2016 by James Gorton

Jonathan was an interesting character in the Old Testament.  He was the son of Saul, the first King of Israel after the country rejected the Judges who had lead that country.  He was in the army that Saul formed to go to battle with neighboring enemies.  Jonathan is most well known for being a friend of King David, the king of Israel that followed the rule of King Saul.

The story unfolds in the country where Israel and Philistine are facing off to do battle, and nothing is taking place.  Jonathan decides that something needs to take place, so he talks with his personal servant who carries his armor about going over to the Philistine camp and see if something could be done to get these armies moving into fighting one another.  “Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, “Come, let’s go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord   from saving, whether by many or by few.” ‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭14:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I find two things fascinating about this passage.  First involves the belief that Jonathan has in his God.  He said, “Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving whether by many or by few.  He had such a belief in his God that he believed that God could use himself to bring victory over the Philistine nation.  His view of God and God’s power was enormous.  God was all powerful to Jonathan.  No power was great enough to stop his God.  God could save by the whole army of Israel, or He could save by only a few.  Victory wasn’t dependent upon the resources of the country, but on God.  Jonathan really believed.

The second fascinating aspect about this passage involves the word “Perhaps”.  Jonathan said, “Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf.”  I love that term.  I often pray asking for God to answer a certain prayer, but for Jonathan, it wasn’t a given that God would answer according to what he wanted.  The answer to prayer is according to what the Lord wanted, so he prayed “perhaps”.

The prayer of Jonathan focused on recognizing the power and ability of God, and the submitting to God’s will in answering his prayer according to what God wanted.  Real belief begins when we truly see God as He is and see His eternal attributes.  That belief moves us to praying for God’s direction for our life and realizing that His plans and steps he wants us to take may perhaps be different that what we want.  It makes the journey exciting and adventurous.

 

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Where’s The Power

Posted on April 22, 2016 by James Gorton

Power.  Everyone would like some.  Some would like more than others.  There are a few that would like it all.  Some feel like they have all the power.  The more people have, the more powerful they feel they are.  Power.  Where does real power come from?  We are born and have a little power to affect change when we cry or when we are hungry or when we need to sleep.  Our parents come to our rescue even when they are tired and preoccupied.  That cry has power to move people. But where’s the real power?

When we become an adult, others give us responsibility and with that responsibility, we gain some power to make decisions and affect change.  Our choices and actions or reactions can impact those we are around.  Choices produce powerful effects.  We tell employees to do something and things get done–or else.  Is this real power?  Does real power come from within?

I was reading about another power that transcends our power.  It is a story in the Old Testament about two warring factions–Israel and Philistine.  These two nations were at odds with one another and were trying to use their power to gain dominance over one another.  The Philistines went to war with Israel and secured a huge victory over Israel, even capturing the symbol of Israel’s power, the ark of God.  They took the ark of God with them to their own country and we pick up the story from there.

“After the Philistines had captured the ark of God, they took it from Ebenezer to Ashdod. Then they carried the ark into Dagon’s temple and set it beside Dagon. When the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the Lord. . .with his head and hands broken off. . . The Lord’s hand was heavy on the people of Ashdod and its vicinity; he brought devastation on them and afflicted them with tumors. . . But after they had moved it, the Lord’s hand was against that city, throwing it into a great panic. He afflicted the people of the city, both young and old, with an outbreak of tumors. . . So they called together all the rulers of the Philistines and said, “Send the ark of the god of Israel away; let it go back to its own place, or it will kill us and our people.” For death had filled the city with panic; God’s hand was very heavy on it.” ‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭5:1-2, 6, 9, 11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Philistine nation thought that the ark of God had the power so they kept moving it from place to place.  Little did they know that it wasn’t the ark that had the power, but God Himself.  The nation of Israel had the ark of God, but it did little in their hands because the Philistines captured it.  It wasn’t the ark.  It was God Himself who was and is the power.

On this journey, we need to be careful  who we put our trust in for true power.  It’s not us.  It’s not an ark.  The power for affecting true change is God.  Empower your journey with the true source of power–God.

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Truly Rejected

Posted on April 20, 2016 by James Gorton

REJECTION.  It happens to all of us.  Rejection starts early in life when as a toddler we don’t get the toy we want.  We don’t get to touch the stove that is so inviting.  We are prevented from going downstairs  and seeing the other parts of the house.  We experience rejection of our desires early in life.

As we grow and develop, we experience rejection by not being picked on a particular athletic team that we so desperately wanted to play on.  We aren’t chosen for a play we tried out for or choir we auditioned for.  We want to go with a guy or a girl to prom and we asked but they said NO or we were hoping to be asked and weren’t.  REJECTION.

As we grow into adulthood, we continue to experience rejection when we want to go to a particular college and get the rejection letter.  We graduated from college and apply to various jobs and get the rejection  from potential employers who chose someone else.  We fall in love with someone only to find out that they don’t have the same feelings for us and experience the awful pain of breakups in romantic relationships.  We may get married only to find that our mate that we fell in love with has fallen out of love with us.  Rejection is part of our life from beginning till end.

Yesterday I was reading a story in the bible of someone who was truly rejected.  His name is Jephthah and here is his beginning story.  “Jephthah the Gileadite was a mighty warrior. His father was Gilead; his mother was a prostitute. Gilead’s wife also bore him sons, and when they were grown up, they drove Jephthah away. “You are not going to get any inheritance in our family,” they said, “because you are the son of another woman.” So Jephthah fled from his brothers and settled in the land of Tob, where a gang of scoundrels gathered around him and followed him.”  ‭Judges‬ ‭11:1-3‬ ‭NIV‬

How painful to be rejected by your half-brothers.  They had the same father, but a different mother.  He was ejected by his own kin because his mother was a prostitute.  He was driven away from the father that he loved and forced to build friendships with rejects.  Scoundrels.  His friends had experienced the same rejection that Jephthah had experienced.  REJECTION

What happened next is very interesting.  Israel had to do battle and didn’t have anyone to lead them into battle, so they came to Jephthah and asked him to be their knight in shining armer.  The very person who had been forced from their tribe was now being asked to be their leader.  He responded that he would go and fight for them if they put his as king which they did.  I wonder what Jephthah’s brothers were feeling when he came back as the leader of the nation?  Fear of REJECTION?  I  don’t know as it doesn’t say, but I do know there were some strong emotions.

Rejection can be a powerful tool to move us forward with determination and endurance if only we allow rejection to work in a positive way in our lives.  On this journey, rejection will come.  Look at rejection as God’s way of developing qualities in your life for a future purpose.

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Losing Our Signal

Posted on April 14, 2016 by James Gorton

Nadine has been in Colorado this past week visiting her son Greg and his family.  She had planned to come back to Scottsdale today on a late flight into Phoenix, but when she heard that my mom had fractured her pelvis, and that I was flying to see her, she changed her plans.  She wanted to go and visit her as well so, Nadine is picking me up at the airport tonight.  So why am I telling you all of this?

Colorado has a schizophrenic weather pattern.  It can be 70 one day and the next day it snows which is going to happen this weekend.  There’s a saying in Colorado, “If you don’t like the weather today, wait until tomorrow.”  There are drastic changes seemingly daily and Nadine doesn’t have any warm weather gear to match the snow that is coming.

We face-timed last night on the phone.  For those of you who don’t know the term, it is talking on the phone and seeing the person face to face.  I don’t know how it works, but I was on my iPad (like the size of a tablet) and the signal was coming through my phone to my iPad.  She had me go into her closet where I pointed the iPad to her clothes and she began to tell me which pants, sweaters, shirts, and boots that she wanted.  Awesome isn’t it?!  Except for one thing.  As I went into her closet, I kept losing the signal and the picture would freeze on the screen.  I was getting too far from the phone to transmit her voice and picture, and we were disconnecting.  I was losing the signal and I was becoming impatient as was she, because she couldn’t see what I was pointing to in her closet.

It reminds me of our relationship with God sometimes.  In Psalms 119:104 it says, “God’s word is a lamp unto my feet and a light to my path.”  Gods word gives light and direction to the steps we take on a daily basis and gives direction to where He wants us to go.  Unfortunately, when we get too far from His word and don’t spend time connected to what He wants to know, we begin to lose our signal with Him.  We become impatient with those around us.  We don’t listen.  We get into arguments.  Our hope wanes.  We find ourselves getting lost and not being able to experience the abundant life (John 10:10) He has offered us, because we are too far from the source (the bible) that gives life, patience and hope.

On this journey, it is important  to stay connected to the source of life and health–the bible.  If we have lost our signal, all we need to do is recognize the problem and move closer to the source and plug back into the life giving signal.

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Never Give In

Posted on April 13, 2016 by James Gorton

Winston Churchill was visiting Harrow School for boys on October 29, 1941 as WW II was beginning to shape up.  He was Prime Minister of England at the time and had been asked to speak to the boys school.  He was introduced and began to speak.  “Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in. . .”  That was it and he sat down.  “Never give in.”  “In Nothing.”  “Great or small.”  “Large or petty.”  “Never give in.”  This speech has been quoted over and over by those who speak to large groups.  I have even used this quote in my speaking engagements to encourage those who are going through difficult times not to give in.

Today is a special day for me and my sister as we encountered a difficult situation.  Three days ago my 97 year old mother was eating dinner with her mid-heeled shoes on as she always does.  As she was about to get up from the table, her heel caught on the side of her chair and as she tried to stand up, she fell, fracturing her pelvis.  She was in a lot of pain and was taken to the hospital.  She said to me,  “It is really dumb of me to fall like that” and was beating herself up for being so clumsy.

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She began to question as the next day arrived whether she would be able to walk and do the things that the occupational therapist wanted her to do.  My sister was questioning  herself whether or not this was the beginning of the end.  I thought of that myself in light of my mom’s age.   My mom was moved to a rehab hospital and neither my sister nor I knew what would happen.

This morning my sister arrived at the rehab hospital and looked from outside into the gym where my mother and the therapist were.  Here is the text I got from my sister, “I just got to the hospital (rehab) and mom is in the rehab gym walking down the length of the bars!!!  WOW!  A great sight!!!. . .”  I learned never to give in from my mother.  She’s 97 and has that “Never give in” spirit even when she is in pain and has broken her pelvis.

I am thankful for a mother who is an example for me to follow.  She is my HERO.  I want to be just like her.  On this journey, God will bring examples into your life.  Make sure you latch on and follow in their footsteps.  He brings them into our life for examples and encouragement when falls try to take us out.

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Wise Counsel

Posted on April 12, 2016 by James Gorton

My oldest daughter Deborah (she goes by Debi, but I call her Deborah) and her friend Patty flew in this past weekend for Victoria’s baptism.  Both of them live in Chicago and come to Phoenix every chance they get to escape the cold windy city.  But they really come here to connect with Victoria’s two sons, Brayden and Keaton who love both of them to death.  Well, not to death, but you know what I mean.

We had great times of celebration and lots of down time just to talk and connect spiritually and emotionally.  It was Sunday around noon while the three of us were driving to a party that I broached the subject of a perplexing family situation I was dealing with and wanted their input.  I was careful not to break confidentiality as I laid out the problems I was having in setting up what needed to come next with this family.

Both of them are in their middle to late thirties as you can see from the picture I got of them in January when they were at a Super Bowl party routing for the Denver Broncos (Denver won 24-10).  Even though they live in Chicago, Deborah is a die hard Denver Bronco fan as you can see with the Bronco jersey.  Patty is just below her with a football mask.

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Deborah has always been my daughter who has come to me for questions she has had regarding school, work, men, etc.   Sunday was different for me as I was asking her and her friend for help in dealing with the dilemma I was wrestling with.  As they began to ask questions, they got more clear perspective as to what was happening and gave me their advice.  I started thinking about it and really began to connect with what they were saying.  It made sense.  A lot of sense.  It was really wise.

It was a transitional moment for me as I realized that my daughter had come full circle and was now offering advice to her dad–me–and I truly appreciated it.  Proverbs is full of passages relating to seeking wise counsel.  “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Prov. 15:22)  “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” (Prov. 11:14)  “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” (Prov. 12:15)  These are just a few of many verses that talk about seeking wise counsel.

Two of my wise counselors happen to have been right under my family roof and I am richly blessed to tap into their wisdom and knowledge.  On this journey there will be many complex turns that need the advice of wise people.  Choose your advisors wisely.

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