relationallychallenged

When we think of addictions, alcohol, illicit drugs, prescription drugs, etc. come to mind. On television in the last two weeks, the themes of several TV drama series have focused on the opioid epidemic that was started by doctors prescribing opioids to patients who had pain and eventually got hooked on the drug. We hear of individuals shooting up and dying from overdoses. But addictions also come in various other forms.

I never thought that addictions were part of my life until recently. Over thirty years ago, we went into Gene’s Boot Store In Flagstaff, AZ and I bought my first pair of brown lizard boots. I still have that pair of boots, but they have become too small and I have subsequently given those boots to my youngest daughter. If only that was the end of the story. I went back to Gene’s and he had a pair of light tan ostrich boots with the ostrich going all the way up the boot. My second pair of boots.

Long story short, I have 12-13 pair of boots ranging from ostrich leg to hippopotamus, gator belly to American alagator, sting ray to shark, python to rattle snake. I have a weakness for boots I have to admit. I am addicted as these are only a portion of my collection.

I was telling one of my relatives of my addiction for boots and she informed me of her addiction for earrings. I asked her how many pair of earrings she has and she couldn’t count them. She told me that she found some that she had never warn but had but them in her jewelry chest and had forgot them. It could be shoes as in the case of Ameldo Marcos, wife of former Philippine president who had 6000+ pairs of shoes.

Addictions happen when we find ourselves being unable to say no to whatever is before us and we become weak in the knees to set limits or boundaries. I was reading about a Judge over Israel who had an addiction for women who’s name was Samson.

“He went back and told his father and his mother, “I have seen a young Philistine woman in Timnah. Now get her for me as a wife.” But his father and mother said to him, “Can’t you find a young woman among your relatives or among any of our people? Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines for a wife?” But Samson told his father, “Get her for me. She’s the right one for me.”” Judges‬ ‭14:2-3‬ ‭CSB‬‬. “Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute and went to bed with her.” Judges‬ ‭16:1‬ ‭CSB‬‬ “Some time later, he fell in love with a woman named Delilah, who lived in the Sorek Valley.”
‭‭Judges‬ ‭16:4‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Samson’s love for women caused him to fall into their temptations. You can read the rest of the story of Samson, but his addictions to beautiful women caused him to compromise his vow to be obedient to the Lord and fall into a place where his gifts and abilities were taken away.

All of us have our addictions. Succumbing to those addictions have negative consequences associated with our choice to say yes. We first have to understand that we have an addiction and be willing to set up healthy boundaries to stay away from the temptation. On this journey, all of us are or will be tempted with something or someone in our lives. Turning to the Lord to gain insight and guidance can prevent a lot of emotional, physical, and relational pain.

Our society is caught up in what can be seen. Fashion is a billion plus dollar a year industry because it knows that what people wear is noticed day in and day out. We spend countless hours in our closet picking out just the right outfit to be seen by those we come in contact with. I have been colorblind since birth so what I see is different than what others see and I haven’t been into color coordination as a result of my limitation.

But I have been on the roller-coaster of weight control over my lifetime. Sometimes more concerned at times than at other times. I see in the mirror things that I don’t want to see and causes me to either feel guilty or take steps to try to get the weight off. What is visible to us and to others marks our minds and causes us to make an evaluation about ourselves or others unfortunately. It could be the weight that we carry or how tall we are, or our physical abilities. But we all at one time or other get sucked into looking at the visual impressions that our eyes see and respond or react accordingly.

What’s different when we connect with the Lord is that His perspective of us is not determined by the visual attributes of our make-up. God had determined to change leadership of Israel by replacing King Saul with someone else. Saul was a physical specimen who was head and shoulders taller than all the other individuals living in that nation. He was chosen by the prophet Samuel before and Samuel had the task of choosing the new king to replace Saul.

So what does Samuel do when he is given the task of finding a new king for Israel? He looks at the same thing that you and I would do. He looked at the physical appearance of potential candidates. “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or his stature because I have rejected him. Humans do not see what the Lord sees, for humans see what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart.”” 1 Samuel‬ ‭16:7‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Think about this passage for a minute. God does not care how tall we are. How short we are. How heavy we are. What we are wearing. Whether our hair is combed or messy. Whether we have a sweater on or not. Whether we have boots on or shoes. Whether we have gained all the weight we lost. God does not look on our physical appearance. Period. He is not looking at how smart we are. He is not looking at what we have accomplished. He is not looking at how much money we have accumulated in the bank. He doesn’t look at the physical attributes that take most of our thought process.

God looks at the heart. Period. He is looking at our intentions when we say or do certain things. He is looking at the attitudes that drive our actions. He is looking at our motivations for the actions that we take. None of the physical things that we spend so much time with is of interest to the Lord. He is only concerned with our heart as we go about our daily tasks. How would our daily lives and our thoughts about our life change if we plugged into what is most important to the Lord? How much time could you save if you had the mindset of the Lord? What would happen to your productivity if you focused on cultivating your heart versus your physical appearance? What about your relationships with others? How different would we parent if we had this mindset? What would our marriage relationships be like if we focused on cultivating our hearts versus our physical characteristics?

On this journey, we have the opportunity begin to change our mindset from looking and cultivating the physical aspects of our life to cultivatIng our heart, our attitudes, and our motivations. We can choose today to begin this transformation process by seeking the One who has the power to change our hearts.

How does relationship that starts out loving one another end up hating one another? How do soul mate connections that are in love end up with a hatred for one another? What happens to a friendship that has so many common attributes alike end up with no common traits and a feeling of hatred for one another? Why are 50% of marriages today that started out with love for one another end up in the divorce court. Today 86% of marriages are unhappy, yet they got married because they loved one another and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

There is a relationship in the Old Testament that went the direction of love to hate in a matter of months. It’s the story of King Saul and David. Saul was needing someone to play music for him when he was down emotionally, and David was one in his kingdom who could play the harp. “When David came to Saul and entered his service, Saul loved him very much, and David became his armor-bearer. Then Saul sent word to Jesse: “Let David remain in my service, for he has found favor with me.”” 1 Samuel‬ ‭16:21-22‬ ‭CSB‬‬ The relationship started out well but it didn’t end up that way.

God had taken the kingship away from King Saul and had given it to David, a shepherd of sheep. King Saul didn’t obey what God wanted him to do and decided that a new leader needed to be put in charge of the nation of Israel. As you read the story, King Saul began to look at the negative aspects of David rather than the positive. David comforted King Saul by playing his harp. David was handsome. David was a valiant warrior. All of these traits Saul loved and was knit to David because of the positive traits that David brought to the table.

Over the course of time, King Saul began to look at the negative aspects of David. When David went out to battle, the people would say that Saul had killed his thousands and David his ten thousands. King Saul became jealous of the gifts and abilities of David and his love for David turned into hatred. “Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had left Saul.. . .When Saul observed that David was very successful he dreaded him.. . .Saul sent agents to David’s house to watch for him and kill him in the morning.” I Sam 18: 12, 15; I Sam 19:11

When we become jealous of the ones we love and don’t resolve the difficulties that come to every relationship, it begins a journey of looking at the negative aspects of that person. It turns our positive feelings about that person to feelings of jealousy and hatred, even to the point of wanting to terminate the relationship.

On this journey, we have a choice to take our present relationships and cultivate positive feelings by looking at the positive traits that they bring to the table, or allow our minds to dwell on the negative aspects of that person. The positive traits that drew us to that person are still there. We choose to dwell on the positive or negative traits of that person. Choose wisely today.

As I was reading about Hannah in I Samuel, it took me back to the early days of being married to my late wife. We had been married a few years and began to try to get pregnant. I never thought that getting pregnant would be so difficult. After ten major and minor surguries to get pregnant, we were left with the same circumstances that we started out with. No pregnancy. No children. Childless.

It was painful to go to our young couples class and hear on a weekly basis that some couple had just become pregnant and were celebrating their great news. For us, it left a pit in our stomachs because we wanted a child so badly and couldn’t. It was painful. We had an empty feeling that nothing could fill. There were a lot of tears during those years of trying to get pregnant and never fulfilling that desire.

Hannah is one of two wives that Elkanah had in Israel. One (Peninnah) had children and one did not (Hannah). This had been going on for some years and we pick up the conflictual relationship between Peninnah and Hannah in verse 6. “Her (Hannah’s) rival would taunt her (Hannah) severely just to provoke her, because the Lord had kept Hannah from conceiving. Year after year, when she went up to the Lord’s house, her rival taunted her in this way. Hannah would weep and would not eat. “Hannah, why are you crying?” her husband, Elkanah, would ask. “Why won’t you eat? Why are you troubled? Am I not better to you than ten sons?””
‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭1:2, 6-8‬ ‭CSB‬‬

When you are in the situation of being childless, a husband who tells his wife to stop crying is not very sensitive to her present needs. He also compared himself to having a child and said that he was better than Han ten sons. I’m sorry, but no matter how wonderful Elkanah was, comparing himself with 10 sons is not very sensitive for a woman who had been taunted for years for not having a child. When in that situation of not having a child and wanting we could learn what not to say to our wife.

Fortunately for us, God provided over a period of 18 years three wonderful children through the adoption process to fill the emptiness in our hearts. For those reading this jlog who haven’t gotten that hole filled, I can understand your pain of wanting to have children and not being able to

When you want something so badly such as a child and can’t have what you want, it causes you to have great pain. The longer the situation goes on, the harder it becomes. On this journey of bringing children into this world, I’m here to tell you that the journey isn’t finished for you. As you read the rest of the story of Hannah, she sought the Lord during those many years of being childless and her prayers were finally answered. As were ours.

Have you ever eaten something that was so good that you became addicted to it. You had to have that piece of candy and nothing would stop you from purchasing that piece of candy and gobbling it down. It may be an exhilarating experience of going skiing and being so addicted to speed that we spend every free moment seeking to fill up our appetite. It could be a relationship where our emotions are so tied to a significant other that we minimize the negative aspects of the relationship to cultivate a potential destructive connection with someone that isn’t good for us ultimately.

Well a little girl came into our lives today as we traveled from Denver to Phoenix to meet our new little granddaughter, Ava Blake Gorton. Mind you, I’m not comparing my granddaughter to addictive negative behavior. Not at all. She is a joy to be with as can be seen in the picture below.

But when she looked up to me with those beautiful eyes, it was all over. She had me wrapped around her little finger.

On this journey, there are going to be things that we say yes to and there are things that we need to say no to. We have the choice on this journey when to say yes and when to say no. For my part, this new journey is a big yes.

Two days ago we were blessed to welcome our fourth grandchild into this world. The first three were grandsons, but God blessed us with our first granddaughter, Ava Blake Gorton

As you can see, Ava has the same dark hair as her dad Carter. She was even caught smiling on the first day. I’m sure that she was so pleased that she had been placed by God in to our family.

As a grandparent, the joy of seeing your children grow up into adults and begin to have children of their own is a joy that is twice realized, once when they are born and secondly when they reproduce.

Thanks for celebrating with us the birth of Ava Blake Gorton. It starts a new journey for Carter and Rachel as they begin the process of raising this precious infant.

Over the years, I have had many hair stylists who have cut my hair every 5-8 weeks. It’s interesting to hear the interactions that happen in the chair. Stories of children and their mishaps. Vacations that were taken. Stories of encounters with the police. Happenings around the salon. Happenings with children coming into town. Holiday experiences. You name it. It’s been discussed in the chair. Except for the last two encounters with my hair stylist, Kim.

I don’t remember how the discussion started, but Kim is from Native American descent and the topic came around to what she loved to do for a hobby. She responded to the question by saying that she loved to hunt with her husband. Deer. Elk. Pigs. Duck. Turkey. Pheasant. You name it, she has hunted it. She is such a hunter that she even took off her shoes about a month ago so that she could sneak up on a deer that she was hunting so that she could bet a better shot. In 30 degree weather in the snow. With only socks on.

Last week was a new interaction as she described her encounter with hunting antelope. She and her family had 5 tags to hunt these wonderful animals on the eastern slope of the Rocky Mountains. What fascinated me the most is the description of these animals. They can run up to 45 miles per hour. What they eat determines the taste of the meat. If they are eating sage brush and pine needles, the meat will taste like sage and pine needles as compared to Antelope that are eating hay and corn stalks on the eastern planes.

One of the topics in the chair that I thought fascinating is the structure of the hair. Kim indicated that Antelope hair is very course and is formed like a straw. Air is allowed in the straw so that on very cold days, the air forms an insulation so that the Antelope stays warm out on the blustery days of the Colorado plains.

Who would know what you might learn sitting in a hair stylist chair. On this journey through life, keep your ears open to stories and insights that others bring from their own experiences. It can cause you to thank God for His creation intricacies of life.

When you think of the title North versus South what comes to mind? If you are a history buff, I’m sure your mind moves to the Civil War of the United States where the North was in a battle with the South. If you are a sports fanatic, you might think about the All Star Game in college football where they have North all star football players playing against the South all star football players. If you are thinking about moving, you might look at the pros and cons of living in the north sections of the US versus the south sections. If you are wanting to find a place to eat, you might talk about going north versus south to get to your destination.

I didn’t even think of North versus South when we came to Colorado to look for a house. But our Real Estate agent did. She informed us that in Colorado, you want a south facing house especially in the winter time. The sun moves in a southerly direction in the winter time and causes the north parts of a house or fence or tree not to get the necessary warmth to melt ice and snow. Hence, when it snows, the sun melts the snow on the south side of the house, but doesn’t melt the snow on the north side, causing ice and snow to stay for a whole winter season.

It reminds me of my life with Christ. When I allow the Lord Jesus Christ to shine in and through me, He convicts me of wrong doing and causes me to clean out the junk in my life so that can experience the warmth of His love and grace and forgiveness. On the contrary, when I live on the north side of life and do my own thing, my actions don’t allow His Son to positively impact my live and live in the shadows, not allowing the gunk to be removed and suffer the consequences of my own actions.

On this journey, we have a choice to allow His Son to shine upon us and bring us life abundantly, or we can live in the shadows of this earthly life. We can choose to turn our life to the south and experience the sunshine of His warmth and direction.

This last weekend Nadine and I had to fly to Sulphur Springs, Texas to officiate a wedding of a close friend of mine. We flew into Dallas Love Field and rented a car to drive the 1 1/2 hour trip to Sulphur Springs. We had some time to grab some lunch in their quaint downtown area. The grassy square had a World War II Memorial for those fallen from that generation. It was wonderful to see the forefathers of Sulphur Springs honoring those who had given their lives so that we could be free. That wasn’t the weird thing.

What was weird involved two mirror encased boxes on the sides of the grassy square. They were about 6′ X 6′ X 8′ feet high. Below is a picture of the boxes.

The box could be opened up as Nadine opened the door. As the box was opened, the weirdness became evident. It was an outdoor toilet that could be used with a sink for washing your hand afterward. Once the door was closed, you could see everyone walking around the grassy square, but they couldn’t see you. Really. A glass outhouse.

It is one of the most weird things that I have ever seen. Needless to say, neither Nadine nor I would use the outhouse because of the thought that someone outside could see in. But they couldn’t.

There are just some things on our journey through life that you don’t want to participate in. Just Saying.