Love to Hate

How does relationship that starts out loving one another end up hating one another? How do soul mate connections that are in love end up with a hatred for one another? What happens to a friendship that has so many common attributes alike end up with no common traits and a feeling of hatred for one another? Why are 50% of marriages today that started out with love for one another end up in the divorce court. Today 86% of marriages are unhappy, yet they got married because they loved one another and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

There is a relationship in the Old Testament that went the direction of love to hate in a matter of months. It’s the story of King Saul and David. Saul was needing someone to play music for him when he was down emotionally, and David was one in his kingdom who could play the harp. “When David came to Saul and entered his service, Saul loved him very much, and David became his armor-bearer. Then Saul sent word to Jesse: “Let David remain in my service, for he has found favor with me.”” 1 Samuel‬ ‭16:21-22‬ ‭CSB‬‬ The relationship started out well but it didn’t end up that way.

God had taken the kingship away from King Saul and had given it to David, a shepherd of sheep. King Saul didn’t obey what God wanted him to do and decided that a new leader needed to be put in charge of the nation of Israel. As you read the story, King Saul began to look at the negative aspects of David rather than the positive. David comforted King Saul by playing his harp. David was handsome. David was a valiant warrior. All of these traits Saul loved and was knit to David because of the positive traits that David brought to the table.

Over the course of time, King Saul began to look at the negative aspects of David. When David went out to battle, the people would say that Saul had killed his thousands and David his ten thousands. King Saul became jealous of the gifts and abilities of David and his love for David turned into hatred. “Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had left Saul.. . .When Saul observed that David was very successful he dreaded him.. . .Saul sent agents to David’s house to watch for him and kill him in the morning.” I Sam 18: 12, 15; I Sam 19:11

When we become jealous of the ones we love and don’t resolve the difficulties that come to every relationship, it begins a journey of looking at the negative aspects of that person. It turns our positive feelings about that person to feelings of jealousy and hatred, even to the point of wanting to terminate the relationship.

On this journey, we have a choice to take our present relationships and cultivate positive feelings by looking at the positive traits that they bring to the table, or allow our minds to dwell on the negative aspects of that person. The positive traits that drew us to that person are still there. We choose to dwell on the positive or negative traits of that person. Choose wisely today.

About James Gorton

I am happily married to Nadine, a person I've known for 20+ years. She and her late husband owned Airpark Auto Service where I took my car for years. Four years after my wife died we began dating and the rest is history. We have a blended family of 6 children between us and love visiting them across this country. We recently had our third grandchild between us. We love to hike, bike and ski. I am a psychologist and do relational life coaching for marriages and families primarily. I love what I do and never get tired of seeing marriages and families move to more healthy places in their lives. Five years ago my oldest daughter Deborah encouraged me to begin writing my thought into a blog I call my Jlog (Jim's log). I have become more and more passionate in connecting everyday experiences to spiritual truths. I hope that as you read my Jlog, you will gain insight into your personal life and experience true growth in your personal and relational life.
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