Relational Wisdom: Part II

Posted on July 14, 2018 by James Gorton

Have you experienced a person who has hurt you deeply with their sarcasm or a put down? Has their look or their behavior given you the message you were not accepted by what you had said or done? It may not have been sarcasm but an off-handed comment that went straight to your soul. When you confront them with it, they respond with the words, “I was only joking!” “I was only kidding!” “Can’t you take a joke?” “You’re too sensitive.” Their words don’t lessen the stinging comment they just said that caused you to feel put down. However, they think they are off the hook because they said, “I was only joking.” “I was only kidding.”

To be honest, whenever a person says those words, there is always some truth to what they are thinking and feeling when the sarcastic message or off-handed comment comes out. The message is hurtful. They put down some aspect of a person’s character or quality that truly needs to be affirmed. The problem surfaces when the person who initiated the comment doesn’t take responsibility for the negative impact of the comment.  It is further exasperated when there is a minimization of the negative message.

Solomon in Proverbs spoke to this issue or relational disconnect when he said,  “Like a madman who throws flaming darts and deadly arrows, so is the person who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!'” Proverbs 26:18-19. Solomon used the word deceitful to describe the process of throwing out negative barbs and then not taking responsibility for them. He describes a madman throwing out flaming darts and deadly arrows in every direction, not knowing where they will land with no thought of those darts landing on someone and causing personal damage.

Words, especially negative words directed at an individual, have a profound impact on that person’s view of themselves that can last forever. I am reminded of Aaron Rogers, the Green Bay quarterback, who years ago had a similar message given to him when he was going to the University of California. One of the teachers at that college told him early on in his college years that he would never make it in the NFL and that he should begin to think about another profession. Even after Aaron was drafted, he was still bugged by the negative comment. To this day, when he is introduced at the start of any game, it is announced that he graduated from Butte College, not the University of California, the college he was actually drafted from.

On this journey, don’t hide behind the “I was only joking” comments after saying a negative word to a person. Take responsibility and begin to change the negative words to words of affirmation. You may never know how those positive words could be the catalyst that can spark stardom in the life of another.

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Relational Wisdom: Part I

Posted on July 13, 2018 by James Gorton

I have read Proverbs over 48 times in my life.  You’re probably asking why the figure 48? I do have an answer to that.  I was challenged in 1970 as a college student when I was going to a rural church in Eaton, Colorado to read through the bible that year.  I love challenges and took up the challenge.  I had tried several times before but got stuck on Leviticus.  Genesis was great with all the stories of people of biblical renown.  Exodus was the story of the Israelites escaping from the hand of Pharaoh, king of Egypt and all the plagues that ensued before they left.  Then you come to the third book of the bible.  Leviticus.  It is a ritual book of do’s and don’ts.  Celebrations.  How to wash.  How do deal with infections.  Boring.  BORING.

Well 1970 was the year I finally read the whole bible from cover to cover in one year.  It so changed my life that I have been doing it ever since.  That’s why I know it is 48 times.  Well, I have decided to pluck some words of relational wisdom from the writings of Solomon and others whom have spoken about how to have effective relationships with others.

I remember as a little lad my folks decided it was time for me to have a dog for my birthday.  I was five at the time and they brought home a puppy we called Rusty.  He was a cocker spaniel that was rusty-red, therefore the name.  As a little 4-5 year old I loved his ears and one time decided to pull his ears.  I only did that once as he reached around and bit my hand.  I learned my lesson that putting my hand in the wrong place has severe and negative consequences.

I read in Proverbs that placing yourself in the wrong place also has negative and wrong consequences as well.  Take for instance Proverbs 26:17.  “A person who is passing by and meddles in a quarrel that’s not his is like one who grabs a dog by the ears.”  When two family members are having a conflict that has nothing to do with you, it says to stay out of the argument.  It is a no win situation.  If you side with one person, the other person will become adversarial with you and vice versa.  Wisdom says to let them work it out.  Period.

What if you are a peace maker and have a difficult time with conflict?  Let them work it out especially if they haven’t let you into the conversation.  You can pray for them.  You can be available to offer wisdom if they ask for it.  But stay out of the conversation if you aren’t invited.  Doing so lowers your own stress level and might I add your blood pressure.  You won’t get bit by the dog as it were.

On this journey there are all kinds of pieces of relational wisdom that if taken to heart can save you from a lot of teeth marks.

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A Heart of Reflection

Posted on July 12, 2018 by James Gorton

At 2:30 this morning the alarm went off and a groggy body slowly meandered toward the shower to try to wake up.  Today was the day that I had an appointment to see my oldest daughter in Chicago where she lived.  It seemed like ages since I had visited her in her rooted place of residence.  My youngest daughter agreed to stay overnight and take us to the airport at 3:30 on her day off.  What a trooper.

We got to the airport with no hassle–no traffic at 4:00 in the morning.  The plane took off at 5:20am and I don’t remember much of the flight as I was trying to catch up on the sleep I was deprived of from the irritating alarm 3 hours previously.  I landed at Midway Airport and waited a few minutes before she arrived on the train that we rode back to her apartment.  It was a wonderful time of talking about what she had planned for me to see and do.

We got off the train and walked about 10 minutes to her apartment where we placed my bags, said hello to her wonderful roommate Patty and were off again to her office at Moody.

She introduced me to some of her colleagues and had me sit down at her desk while she had a couple of appointments she needed to attend with.  She gave me some things I could read if I wanted to and one of them was a 360 evaluation that her boss, her colleagues, and her students wrote about her in evaluating her leadership styles as well as her character and many other things.

As I read over the 22 page document, I began to experience a heart of appreciation and gratitude for the woman she had become.  It’s one thing to verbalize the wonderful things I see in her, but these were comments from people I had never met who were affirming her.  “You are my hero.”  “I want to be just like you.”  “You are the most authentic person I know.”  “Your character is above reproach.”  “You are the best example of a Christian I have ever met.”  “You have the skills to be the next provost of this school.”  There were 22 pages of comments that sang of her gifts and abilities as well as her character.  Very few comments were negative and of the negative ones, there were contradictions in the negative comments.

I am reminded of the verse in III John 1:4 “I have no greater joy than this; to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”  I had the privilege of hearing this from others as I read from the 360 evaluation.  On this journey you will have the opportunity to build on your own testimony of what God has in store for you.  This is not only about our future generation, but for this generation to impact the lives we come in contact with.  Carpe Diem.

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Travel Mercies

Posted on June 7, 2018 by James Gorton

When you take a month-long journey in your car or truck, there are bound to be experiences that happen when driving where you see the hand of God guiding and protecting you.  I wrote about the first experience we had with the spring snow in Colorado when we were driving from Denver to Grand Junction.

The last experience we had was when we were on the I-880 from San Francisco to Monterey, CA.  We were going about 65 mph and talking about our soon to be experience in Monterey Bay.  I was in the HOV lane with the median wall on my left side.  For whatever reason, I happened to look to my right and noticed a blue VW bug beginning to encroach in my lane.  I became aware of this disturbance and began to move to my left closer to the wall.  My thought was to honk at the woman in the VW, but before I could do that, she became aware of her encroachment and readjusted her position.  Unfortunately she over-corrected by turning her steering wheel to the right and went into the lane to her right and hit a SUV.  At 65 mph, she hit it several times with a clunk, clunk, clunk sound.

My immediate thought was that she would over-correct again and come back into my lane.  My foot went to the floor on the accelerator and took off.  As I was accelerating, I could hear the effects of other cars hitting one another as I drove out of sight.  I don’t know what happened after that, but I do know that God got me out of a potentially bad situation on the I-880 freeway.

I have often prayed for travel mercies for myself or for others, but don’t know what God does in answering that prayer request on so many occasions.  This is one where Nadine and I began to thank the Lord for His sparing us a lot of grief and potential physical pain from a lapse of concentration on the part of the lady driving the bug.

I wonder how many of these potential mishaps are avoided when we take off a little later or earlier than we anticipated.  We have no idea what lies before us, but God does.  He knows what we will encounter before we encounter the experience.  He is always aware of our circumstances and in the case of my experience, made the woman aware of what she was about to do in going into my lane.  I feel for her as well as for all who were affected in the accident, and am thankful for His mercy in saving me from the accident that very easily could have impacted Nadine and myself.

In Psalms 139, the writer talks about God’s awareness of who I am and what I am doing.  “You know when I sit down and when I stand up; you understand my thoughts from far away.  You observe my travels and my rest; you are ware of all my ways.” Psalms 139:1-3 CSB.  If we truly believed this statement, we might think differently about our actions and rest more fully upon Him to guide and direct our lives.

On this journey, it is important to rest upon God’s power to guide and direct our steps and be in a thankful posture for each step God gives us.

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Baby Elephant Seal

Posted on May 31, 2018 by James Gorton

I have come to appreciate God’s creation especially when it comes to the animals that He created and the ways in which babies grow up to become adults and then reproduce themselves.  One such case happened to be when we were visiting our friends in Freeland, Washington.  Freeland is on an island just off the coast next to Seattle and is about 50 miles long from one tip to the other.  On the north side of the island you can get over by bridge, but on the south you have to travel by ferry.

We rode on a 3+ hour ferry from Victoria, BC to the US mainland and had to go through customs which seemed to take forever.  Once on the mainland, we then drove 2 hours to Freeland where we stayed for a couple of days.  Don and Aggie are our age and are past the age of having more children, so we thought is strange that they were saying they had a new addition to their family.  Their children weren’t with them at the time so we didn’t think they were talking about a new grandchild.  Higgins is their dog and is 17 years old, so we knew they weren’t talking about a new puppy.

They took us to the back yard and up on a board walk next to the ocean and behold we found out what they were talking about.

 

It was a baby elephant seal.  He was born on the island with his mother and was about 75 pounds at birth.  She was there for 27-28 days to wean this pup and then took off.  She took off.  He was by himself (or herself I couldn’t tell nor would I have any knowledge of knowing).  She left him/her.  All alone.  To fend for himself.  Eating and sleeping alone.

I learned later as I read about elephant seals is that the mother leaves after weaning them because if they don’t leave, the babies become dependent upon the mother’s milk and will not hunt for themselves.  When the mother leaves, it forces the baby to begin hunting on her own and fending for herself.  After about 2-3 months the mother comes back and takes up connection with her baby after the baby has grown to 600-1000 pounds.

God has instilled within His creation innate skills for growing into adulthood.  Babies are designed to grow into adulthood and become independent of their parents.  It takes longer for humans to grow into adulthood than for baby elephant seals, but the process of becoming independent is essential no matter what the species.  Sometimes it would be helpful if human parents cut off the ties of dependency sooner so that children would be forced to grow up like the elephant seal.

As parents on this journey, we are called upon to cut the dependent ties and let our children become adults.  It’s never too late, but the later we try to cut, the more difficult it will be to create mature, independent, decision-making adults.  If we have strong willed children and we don’t cut the ties, they will through rebellion which becomes much more painful.  Good luck parents. Continue reading →

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Pain to Euphoria

Posted on May 30, 2018 by James Gorton

Life is sometimes like climbing a mountain.  Tyler is an avid hiker and wanted to take the family on a hike to Heather Lake in the Cascades of Washington.  I was up for the hike but had some fear and in trepidation due to the fact that he regularly goes on hikes that take him to the top of the mountains in a day and back, needing crampons and other skilled hiker gear to get to his destination.

A little back drop.  I knew what kind of hiker he is and that he is 22.  I’m a senior citizen and am in pretty good shape, but shape is relative.  I was concerned that what he thought was easy was not easy for me nor for Nadine.  We had a few discussions before the hike as to how difficult the hike was and he assured us that we could do this hike.  The final count of those going was 4 total, Tyler, his sister Ashley 33, and Nadine and I.  Two young adults and a seasoned couple.  It took about an hour to drive to the parking spot and we began to assault the 2.8 mile trail one step at a time.

Right from the beginning the percent of incline was 10% reaching greater inclines of difficulty as we went.  I kept saying to myself slow and steady and was bringing up the rear the whole way up.  Slow and steady.  Slow and steady.  S l o w and s t e a d y.  A below picture gives you some idea of what we were climbing.

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It took all I could muster to take one step and then another.  It seemed like forever climbing over rocks and roots before we got to the top.  It seems my journey through life in many cases.  It’s a day in day out grind, doing the same thing over and over with imperceptible growth taking place, having to take difficult steps to reach a goal that seems very far away.

But then in the clearing we begin to see glimpses of coming out of the routine into the brilliance of a mountain top experience that takes your breath away.  We reached Heather Lake and saw the snow melting off the mountain tops cascading into water falls that tickled our ears.

 

We got to experience the beauty of a mountain lake half-frozen with the sound of waterfalls all around us draining into the lake.  We only experienced the beauty of the lake and waterfalls because we took the time to climb the trail that led to the beauty above.

Too many times on this journey, we want to experience the end result without dealing with the struggle of getting there.  We want instant.  We want end result.  We want results.  But what we want oftentimes comes by the struggle.  On this journey in order to reach the beauty of life, we are required to climb up and tackle the obstacles that come our way to reach the lakes and waterfalls of life.  Enjoy the process.

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Texas Fritter

Posted on May 15, 2018 by James Gorton

This last Sunday was Mother’s Day and we happened to be in Seattle, Washington celebrating Tyler’s college graduation the previous day.  On Sunday we went down to Pike Market in downtown Seattle to get a taste of Northwest Pacific flair before going to dinner to celebrate Nadine’s day.

Nadine loves flowers and I try to get her flowers on a regular basis, but today was not the  time to get her flowers because we were traveling and the flowers would have no place to drink their water (can’t take a vase in the car).

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I know she loves fish, especially salmon, but putting a salmon in the car uncooked would be a mistake.

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I was having a hard time figuring out what to get her until I happened upon something that she loves.  Just a little backdrop.  She has a sweet tooth or could I say several sweet teeth.  To be exact all of her teeth love sweets, any kind of sweets.  Her father was a baker and pastries are her downfall.  As we were walking down Pike Market, we happened to pass a pastry shop with all kinds of pastries.  The one that caught my eye was her favorite, that being an apple fritter.  But this wasn’t just any old apple fritter.  It was a Texas apple fritter.  You might ask, ‘What is a Texas Apple Fritter?’  Well below is what was staring us in the face.

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We walked on without getting the fritter, but about an hour later the sweet teeth began to call and we had to go back.  When we arrived, they only had one left and its as if the money magically flew from our pocket to the cashier and the fritter was ours.

Below is a very fulfilled mother celebrating her mother’s day gift that did satisfy her sweet teeth.

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One of the members of my family described this fritter as bigger than Nadine’s head.  I believe it was.  On this journey, there are times when you just have to indulge your senses and go with the flow.

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Controlled Chaos

Posted on May 14, 2018 by James Gorton

On our journey through the Northwest, we stopped in Spokane, Washington for the night and had the opportunity to walk downtown to see the Spokane River running through the walk-ways.  The Spokane River starts in Coeur D’Alene, Idaho and snakes it’s 111 mile way to the Columbia River that eventually pours into the Pacific Ocean.  A close friend of mine told me a fact about the Columbia River that dumps its fresh water into the Pacific Ocean.  There is so much force of the Columbia River when it drains into the ocean that scientists have found fresh water in the ocean 6 miles from where the Columbia River merges with the ocean.

In Spokane there is a spillway in the middle of the city where the water flows over it and produces electricity in the picture below.  On the right, you can see the large amount of water spilling over the spillway in a controlled way as the walls stop the water from spreading over the side walls.  Once on the other side, there seems to be a chaos of water going everywhere with white rapids going in every direction as it rapidly moves down-stream.

It’s like our life at times.  There are times when there seems to be control in our lives and everything is running smoothly as we see on the picture on the right.  All of our life is organized and we manage to get the things we need to do done.  We have enough money in the checking account to pay all of our bills.  Our children are getting all of their homework done and are getting to bed on time.  The projects at work are getting done in the time that we’ve been given to get them done.  Everything seems to be going the way we want things to go.

Then all hell breaks loose.  We experience chaos in our lives when the money runs out and we still have 10 bills to pay.  Deadlines come and we aren’t even half done with the project.  We don’t know which way is up or down.  The relationships that we deemed closest to us are breaking apart.  We seem to be tossed to and fro with no anchor to keep our lives steady.  It’s in these times that we do need a solid foundation on which to rest.

Isaiah, a prophet in the Old Testament speaks to our need for a solid rock when our lives seem to be in chaos.  “Though youths grow weary and tired and young men stumble and fall, those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:30-31.  On this journey there are going to be times of controlled chaos but we have a rock to stand on when the winds and torrents of life tempt us to be blown off course.

 

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Red Dog

Posted on May 12, 2018 by James Gorton

You may be wondering why such an odd title for a jlog (my blog).  Am I going to be talking about an Irish Setter that is red?  They are very pretty dogs, but I’m not going to be talking about that kind of dog.  What about a Cavalier King Charles ruby dog?  They are reddish-brown in color and are wonderful dogs, but that’s not my topic.  In fact it’s not a dog at all that I want to talk about but it is an animal and its red.  Give up?

Well, I was in Jackson, Wyoming and came across a small herd of buffalo that had just calved a very tiny buffalo.  A new born buffals is called a red dog because it is red when it is born as in the picture below.

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Little “Red”, as I called him had just been born a few days earlier and we were so close to him that we could hear him grunt a deep grunt as his tail would go between his legs each time he grunted.  His mother was oblivious to his grunts as she continued to eat in the background.  He grunted and grunted, but she wasn’t having any of crying out to her.  He finally just layed down and quit grunting.

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I have no idea what little “Red” wanted by his grunts, but whatever he wanted he didn’t get it from his mother.  It reminds me of times when we ask God for something and He seems not to hear our prayers or answer our requests.  In the case of little “Reds” mother she was not going to give Red what he wanted.  Sometimes God does the same thing in saying no to us because He has a better plan for us than to give us everything that we ask for.

As a parent of children, what would happen if we gave in to every request that our children wanted from us.  Candy.  No bed times.  No vegetables.  Mac and cheese all the time.  Rooms filled with junk toys.  Our kids would be spoiled rotten if we gave them everything that they asked for.

On this journey, like Red, there will be times when we don’t seem to be getting what we want in life.  Maybe its time to realize that God may just be saying no to our request like momma buffalo was saying no to Red.

 

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The Beauty of Peaks

Posted on May 9, 2018 by James Gorton

Nadine and I are on a 3+ week journey that has taken us from Arizona to Colorado to now Wyoming.  We have some wonderful friends that invited us up to their summer-house at the foot of Grand Teton National Park.  We were going to Lacy Washington for Tyler’s college graduation from St. Martins University, so we took them up on their offer. I had been to the Grand Teton National Park with my folks when I wan young, but had forgotten most of what I saw.  Nadine had never been to the park so it truly was a new adventure for both of us.

It took about 8 hours of driving from Grand Junction, Colorado to Jackson, Wyoming and it was well worth the drive.  Over the next two days we saturated our eyes with the beauty of God’s creation with snow-capped peaks, emerging mountain flowers, more rugged peaks, and more yellow and white flowers.  It was breath-taking to take in the sights.  A few pictures below cannot capture what our eyes took in.

We journey through life having opportunities to view some of God’s creation.   When we are given those opportunities, we need to take advantage of it.  Worshipping the creator rather than the creation keeps our focus centered on the source of life and not the results of his choice to create.  We have been truly blessed to see in the last few days what He has created for us to enjoy.

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