relationallychallenged

Saturday April 2, 2011

We are bombarded with so many decisions today.  Every day.  And with those decisions come all kinds of choices that we can make.  Take for instance.  When I was in grade school, there were only a couple of shoes that you could choose from and either black or white.  It was wonderful when they came out with red all-stars.  There were only a couple of jeans to choose from.  Only one school to go to.  There were four car dealers to choose from with a limited supply of cars.  You usually had to order your car and what you wanted on it which took 6 weeks to get.  The choices were limited, but now the choices are so complex with hundreds of shoes to choose from depending on what you are going to do.

It becomes rather easy to become frozen in making choices, or use our personal desires to drive our choices.  Sometimes I find myself making choices without inquiring from the Creator of my life as to what He wants me to do.  God created us with a mind which can at times get in the way of seeking His direction for our lives.

A prime example of this in found in I Chronicles 15:13.  The backdrop of this story is an incident where David was bringing back the ark of the covenant and Uzzah, who was going along side the ark on a cart, reached out and touched the ark and died instantly.  David hadn’t consulted the Lord about how He wanted the ark to come back and and not carrying it, they put it on a cart.  David says, “It was because of you, the Levites, did not bring it up the first time that the Lord our God broke out in anger against us.  We did not inquire of him about how to do it in the prescribed way.”  Even David at times didn’t consult with the Lord about what His plan was.  It’s encouraging and yet at the same time sobering to realize that some or many of my plans that go adrift can be attributed to my lack of seeking or inquiring of the Lord about what He wants.

On this journey, we could do well to slow down and seek the Lord as to our next steps to prevent us from having to back up from a dead-end.

Friday, April 1, 2011

I just realized that today is April Fools day as I wrote down the date.  By the way, today has nothing to do with the title of my jlog.  Just a thought that popped in my head as I began to write.  Anyway.

When you think of successful families, or businesses, or friendships that have truly been fulfilling, I think that two words come to mind as important in the success of the relationship.  Buy-In.  If a business is going to be successful, you need workers in that business to buy into what they are doing or selling, or making.  If they aren’t committed to the product or their responsibility, ineffectiveness and failure will emerge.  If you don’t have buy-in to the structures that are set up in a family, those structures will not be effective and will eventually grind that relationship to a halt.  Friendships without buy-in from both parties are doomed to failure.  Commitment to whatever takes priority over obligation.  Having to do something is so much less effective that choosing to do something.

In my reading this morning, I was looking at one of the most successful leaders of all time.  His name was David and early on in his leadership, I see a passage that illustrates this principle of buy-in.  In I Chronicles 13:2 David is talking to the assembly of Israel and says, “If it seems good to you and if it is the will of the Lord our God, let us send word far and wide to the rest of our people throughout the territories of Israel, and also to the priests and Levites who are with them in their towns and pasturelands, to come and join us.”  He could have said, “Go and send word”, but he used the phrase, “If it seems good to you.”  He was asking them to buy-in to his plan.  He had a plan, but he wanted them to choose to take ownership for an idea he had.  Buy-In.  Taking ownership.  Choosing.  When people are given the opportunity to give input to a plan, there is greater potential for that plan being a success, because they are putting their thoughts and ideas and feet to that plan.  It is important to note that the plan must include God’s will in any road that we choose to go down.

In verse 4 it says that the, “whole assembly agreed to do this, because it seemed right to all the people.”  Buy-In.  When I counsel without getting buy-in from my clients, there is defensiveness and push-back.  When I instruct Carter to do something without buy-in, there is push-back.  Buy-in in marriage or in parenting or in business or friendships is an important tool for moving through life in partnership with those we are committed to.

This journey becomes much easier when we are hand in hand with those who have chosen to buy-in to His road.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

I have skipped over certain passages in the Old Testament that have been dry and boring to me.  These passages involve the genealogies of the various tribes of Israel.  There aren’t many of them, but when I come to them in my reading, I have just skipped over them because it was dry and boring to me.  The bible is filled with wonderful stories and principles to guide my life by, but the names of people and their children without knowing a thing about them is of little to no interest to me, until this year.  I began to slow down and read more closely for bits of information that I had glossed over in years past.  I still cant pronounce their names, but some tidbits of information began to emerge in my readings.

In I Chronicles 1-10, I began to see some interesting things that I could relate to.  Jether died without children (2:32).  Sheshan had no sons–only daughters (2:34).  Jabez was more honorable thn his brothers (4:9-10, well known for the “Prayer of Jabez”).  Reuben, firstborn of Israel, lost his birthright because he slept with his father’s wife (5:1).  Sheerah, a daughter of Beriah, builtLower and Upper Beth Horon as well as Uzzen Sherrah (7:24, a woman with skills to build).  There were people who were deported from the land (8:6).  Shaharaim of Moab divorces his two wives and married another (8:8).  Ulam had 150 sons and grandsons who were brave warriors (8:40).  The musicians, were exempt from working in the temple but stayed there and played day and night (9:33).

What I began to do is relate with these people because I have either personally experienced what they had to experience, or I know friends who have gone thru these experiences.  What I began to realize is that when I slow down and seek to understand where people are and what they are experiencing in life, I build bridges of connection to those people.  I started to relate to people in the old testament that I had never connected with.

On this journey, it is important to slow down and find out what’s happening in the lives that God has brought us in contact with.  It’s in that connection that life takes on new meaning and destroys dry and boring.

March 29, 2011

Life is so busy these days.  But it was no different when I was growing up in a small town.  My dad was a rural mail carrier and carried mail for only 2 hours per day.  That would give him potentially a lot of free time, but he decided to build an overnight travel park across the street for trailers and campers needing somewhere to relax on their way to Denver or Kansas City.  I remember him not having much time in the summer to just sit and chat with the business that would come in nightly.  He was busy almost all the time.  It caused me to have negative feelings about the business because he had little time for me.

I see a parallel story develop in II Kings 18-21 between a father, Hezekiah, and Manasseh, the son.  Hezekiah was a good king and followed what God wanted him to do, but he was very busy taking care of the kingdom.  A further detail of the life of  Hezekiah is found in II Chronicle 29-32.  It said that he was a success at whatever he did. He made buildings to store the harvest, wine and olive oil.  Built stalls for his livestock.  Build villages.  Made dams.  Created groves of trees.  What was missing–time to spend with his son Manasseh.  He was a success in being the king of Judah, but he sacrificed time with his son Manasseh during the formative years of his son’s life (0-12).

Today when children are not connected with their parents because of their busyness, they often rebel and do the very opposite of what their parents desire.  Manasseh I’m sure was resentful of the lack of time he had with his father, so that when he became king in place of his father, he did the exact opposite that his father did.  In II Kings 21 when he took over as king, it says, “He rebuilt the high places his father Hezekiah had destroyed; he also erected alters to Baal and made an Asherah pole.  He bowed down to all the starry hosts and worshipped them.  He sacrificed his own son in the fire, practiced divination, sought omens, and consulted mediums and spiritists.” (II Kings 21:3-6)

When we don’t take time to value our children because we are too busy doing our own thing, problems will arise.  We may be doing really good things.  Godly things.  Serving the Lord.  Hezekiah was serving the Lord, but he forgot to focus on the most important task God had given him.  Parent his children.

On this journey there are a lot of good things we can do, but we are called to choose the most important tasks at hand.  Choose wisely.

-+*

Monday, March 28, 2011

You have heard the saying, “What goes around comes around,” especially when someone who has had a pattern of destructiveness and they are now experiencing some pain in their own lives.  It is sometimes said of children who are rebellious as teenagers, and when they grow up into adults and have their own children, their children are just like them.

It’s no truer than in the passage I read this morning in II Kings as I am continuing to read about the histories of the Israelite and Judah kings.  In chapter 15:10-15, Shallum is the son of Jabesh who decided to conspire against Zecharaiah, king of Israel. “He attacked him in front of the people, assassinated him and succeeded him as king.” (II Kings 15:10) As you continue reading, he was only king for one month. 30 days. 1/12 of a year. Why you ask? Menahem, son of Gadi, decided he wanted the throne and so he went up to Samaria where Shallum was staying. He attacked him, assassinated him, and took over the throne. The very thing that Shallum did to King Zechariah Menahem did to Shallum. What goes around comes around.

I’m reminded of a different response on the part of a godly person. David was being chased by King Saul at the time and David had three opportunities to kill Saul. Each time though, David responded by saying, “How can I kill the Lord’s anointed?” David at the opportunity, but he chose a different route. David’s reign and the character of being a man after God’s own heart created a different kind of what goes around comes around.

I guess on this road, we need to evaluate what we want to come around to us before we make decisions that can negatively boom-r-rang back on us. Choose your road carefully as our choices can negatively or positively impact our future.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I am wrestling with some thoughts in my mind that cause me to see the need for growth.  I don’t know about you, but I have trouble seeing grace with people who deliberately sin and continue to go down that road.  Before working with sex offenders who sexually molested children, I had little to no grace for their lot in life.  When I look at Adolf Hitler who deliberately killed millions of people, I have little empathy for their lives or their futures.  I know that my thoughts are not the thoughts of our Lord, and that is why I say I need growth in this area.  I can so relate to Jonah’s life in not wanting the sinful Nineveh to hear the message of the Lord and experience His truth.

This week as I have been reading about the kings of Israel, I came upon a man that had a similar background.  In I Kings 21:25-26 it says, “There was never anyone like Ahab, who sold himself to do evil in the eyes of the Lord, urged on by Jezebel his wife.  He behaved in the vilest manner by going after idols, like the Amorites the Lord drove out before Israel.”  Here is one of those people that fits into this category of not being able to be forgiven.  He’s like those in our society who kill people and have no remorse for their actions.    My tendency is to look for judgment to come quickly on these type of people.

What causes me to realize my need for growth is the follow-up to this indictment of Ahab.  The Lord came to him and told him that he would die and that his wife’s blood would be licked up by the dogs outside the wall.  When Ahab heard this, he tore his clothes, but on sackcloth, and fasted, signifying his humbling himself before the Lord for all the deliberate bad things he had done.

The Lord’s response is in I Kings 21:29 where the Lord speaks to Elijah and says, “Have you noticed how Ahab has humbled himself before me?  Because he has humbled himself, I will not bring this disaster in his day.”  What power comes when we humble ourselves before God.  Even the vilest person who recognizes his/her sin and humbles themselves before God will be forgiven.  What a gracious and forgiving God we have.

On this journey, I need to realize that admitting my choices are sometimes wrong and humbling myself before God causes me to continue to move toward the goal of walking with the Master and experiencing His grace and forgiveness.