Friday, April 1, 2011

I just realized that today is April Fools day as I wrote down the date.  By the way, today has nothing to do with the title of my jlog.  Just a thought that popped in my head as I began to write.  Anyway.

When you think of successful families, or businesses, or friendships that have truly been fulfilling, I think that two words come to mind as important in the success of the relationship.  Buy-In.  If a business is going to be successful, you need workers in that business to buy into what they are doing or selling, or making.  If they aren’t committed to the product or their responsibility, ineffectiveness and failure will emerge.  If you don’t have buy-in to the structures that are set up in a family, those structures will not be effective and will eventually grind that relationship to a halt.  Friendships without buy-in from both parties are doomed to failure.  Commitment to whatever takes priority over obligation.  Having to do something is so much less effective that choosing to do something.

In my reading this morning, I was looking at one of the most successful leaders of all time.  His name was David and early on in his leadership, I see a passage that illustrates this principle of buy-in.  In I Chronicles 13:2 David is talking to the assembly of Israel and says, “If it seems good to you and if it is the will of the Lord our God, let us send word far and wide to the rest of our people throughout the territories of Israel, and also to the priests and Levites who are with them in their towns and pasturelands, to come and join us.”  He could have said, “Go and send word”, but he used the phrase, “If it seems good to you.”  He was asking them to buy-in to his plan.  He had a plan, but he wanted them to choose to take ownership for an idea he had.  Buy-In.  Taking ownership.  Choosing.  When people are given the opportunity to give input to a plan, there is greater potential for that plan being a success, because they are putting their thoughts and ideas and feet to that plan.  It is important to note that the plan must include God’s will in any road that we choose to go down.

In verse 4 it says that the, “whole assembly agreed to do this, because it seemed right to all the people.”  Buy-In.  When I counsel without getting buy-in from my clients, there is defensiveness and push-back.  When I instruct Carter to do something without buy-in, there is push-back.  Buy-in in marriage or in parenting or in business or friendships is an important tool for moving through life in partnership with those we are committed to.

This journey becomes much easier when we are hand in hand with those who have chosen to buy-in to His road.

About James Gorton

I am happily married to Nadine, a person I've known for 20+ years. She and her late husband owned Airpark Auto Service where I took my car for years. Four years after my wife died we began dating and the rest is history. We have a blended family of 6 children between us and love visiting them across this country. We recently had our third grandchild between us. We love to hike, bike and ski. I am a psychologist and do relational life coaching for marriages and families primarily. I love what I do and never get tired of seeing marriages and families move to more healthy places in their lives. Five years ago my oldest daughter Deborah encouraged me to begin writing my thought into a blog I call my Jlog (Jim's log). I have become more and more passionate in connecting everyday experiences to spiritual truths. I hope that as you read my Jlog, you will gain insight into your personal life and experience true growth in your personal and relational life.
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1 Response to Buy-In

  1. So, I’m curious ~ when you don’t have buy-in (say with Carter or a client) how do you proceed? Do you change your course, maintain persistence, stop and reevaluate? Just interested in gaining a bit of wisdom here. 🙂

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