PAIN Part II: Talking With Someone

Unfortunately, and I hate to admit this, I hadn’t gone to a doctor in 5+ years.  I had tried to get in with my Internist Doctor over the years, but he had moved and I couldn’t find him.  So rather than look for a new doctor, I let the yearly visits to the doctor for a physical slide from one year to the next.  I did remember the doctor’s name, but not the practice and he was no place to be found.  When these painful symptoms began to emerge, I knew I needed some help and decided to try to find my old doctor some way.

I was at Airpark Auto Service, Nadine’s shop, and was calling in the next room when Nadine heard me.  She came around the corner and asked what I was doing.  I spilled the beans of my pain and the symptoms of what I was experiencing.  There were two things that happened immediately.

The first was a tongue lashing by my wife.  “When were you going to tell me?”  How could you be experiencing these symptoms and not tell your own wife?”  She was mad and had legitimate reason for being mad.  She was more than mad.  She was angry and took out her verbal words on me as to why I would keep these things from her.  She was angry because she was hurt I hadn’t shared this with her as well as concerned about my future.  I sat there and took it because I knew that everything she was saying was right on.  I should have told her when I first experienced the pain, but I minimized it and didn’t want to burden her with my problems.  Big mistake.  BIG MISTAKE.  She wanted to know and frankly needed to know what was going on in my life and I had cut her off from my concerns.  I will say again, BIG MISTAKE.

The second thing that happened after the tongue lashing (that I deserved) was relief.  I had been carrying this burden by myself and she immediately came along and began to carry it with me.  Nadine did remind me that she withheld her feelings from me about the accident she had when she was hit by a car while running.  That didn’t feel good to me so I understood what she was feeling.  Carrying our burdens by ourselves and not talking with those we love (and who love us) prevent them from coming alongside and sharing our tribulations.

It’s the same in our relationship with the Lord.  In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus recognized that all of us at times are burdened by life’s challenges and He wanted us to “Come to Me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

On this journey, there will be times of pain that we experience where we need to talk with someone so that we can get a different perspective about what we’re dealing with.  Two minds are better than one.


About James Gorton

I am happily married to Nadine, a person I've known for 20+ years. She and her late husband owned Airpark Auto Service where I took my car for years. Four years after my wife died we began dating and the rest is history. We have a blended family of 6 children between us and love visiting them across this country. We recently had our third grandchild between us. We love to hike, bike and ski. I am a psychologist and do relational life coaching for marriages and families primarily. I love what I do and never get tired of seeing marriages and families move to more healthy places in their lives. Five years ago my oldest daughter Deborah encouraged me to begin writing my thought into a blog I call my Jlog (Jim's log). I have become more and more passionate in connecting everyday experiences to spiritual truths. I hope that as you read my Jlog, you will gain insight into your personal life and experience true growth in your personal and relational life.
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