Leading by Example

Posted on March 25, 2011 by James Gorton

Friday March 25, 2011

I don’t know about you, but I have heard over and over that we need to lead by example.  Leading by example is the greatest teacher.  A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not.  Think about that last saying.  A leader leads by example because all the followers are watching their moves, their attitudes, their actions, their motivations, their life.  That life is in the public eye for all to see and emulate.  It can be a life that has good morals and actions, but it can also be a life that causes those looking on to emulate the negative things they see doing.

I have been reading in I and II Kings and there is a common thread that emerges when the writer is talking about the death of a King and the taking over of the nation by his offspring.  “He committed all the sins his father had done before him,” (I kings 15:3.  In the twentieth year of Jeroboam king of Israel, Asa became king of Judah, . . .and he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, as his father David had done.” (I Kings 15:9-11)  “Jehoshaphat. . .followed the ways of his father Asa and did not stray from them.” (I Kings 22:42).  “Nadab . . .did evil in the eyes of the Lord, following the ways of his father.” (I Kings 15:26)  You get the picture.

Our parents–us–have a great influence in the characteristics of our children as they look at us and see our handling of everyday life situations.  I knew of a mother who wanted her son to stop smoking marijuana, and yet when I talked to the son, he was concerned about his mother drinking a bottle of wine each and every night.  He was just following in the steps of his mother in anesthetizing his/her emotional pain.

We are powerful leaders, whether we like it or not.  What lifestyles are we teaching our children for their futures.  The encouragement I offer you today is that destructive behaviour can be worked on by changing our patterns into healthier and healthier attitudes, actions, and behaviors.  Transformation can and will happen, if we are willing to stop justifying, minimizing, or denying our problems and work on fixing them.

On this journey, be careful where you step because all eyes are watching.

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Vacations

Posted on March 24, 2011 by James Gorton

How many of you need a vacation? I know I do. My vacations are typically a week or so in duration a couple of times a year interspersed with some long weekends throughout. Some of you because of your jobs take all your vacation at one time. Some of you can choose when and how much vacation you can take. In Europe there are come companies that give their employees 2-3 months of vacation. And there are others that have taken permanent vacations (retirement) and these people are vacationing all the time.

I know of a man who led a nation that was sensitized to the needs of his workers and gave them the most generous vacation that I know of. In I Kings 5:14, we read, “He sent them off to Lebanon in shifts of ten thousand a month, so that they spent one month in Lebanon and two months at home. They worked in Lebanon cutting wood for one month and then had two months off to be at home. If you figure that out it adds up to 8 months of vacation and 4 months work. Not bad. Yet the person in charge of this project was the one and only Solomon, the wisest person who has ever lived. He knew how to keep up the moral of the workers by allowing them to recover from the time away from their families.

Throughout history, beginning with the creation of the world, God has encouraged and commanded us to take some time away from our busy schedules. We need down time to refresh our minds and our bodies for the work that we are called to do. Vacation should allow us to reflect on our past and prepare for the future. It needs to be a time to reconnect with the most important relationships in our lives. God. Spouse. Self. Children. Friends.

The question today centers around whether you are taking time to re-energize your batteries.  Do you have time set aside on a regular basis to do vacation for yourself and for your family?

On this journey, times of detour to rest and refresh are critical in accomplishing all that God has for us to do.

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Nevertheless, a Detour

Posted on March 23, 2011 by James Gorton

Wednesday March 23, 2011

Have you ever had a desire that was so tempting in your life that you were willing to do anything to fulfill that desire? It may have been a car that you had your heart set on buying. It may have been a person you wanted to date and you were willing to do or say anything to go out with this person. It could have been a large purchase of a house that caused you to overstep your budget to get it. Or a passion to play golf. Acquire a large sum of money. None of those things in and of themselves are wrong. Then you might be asking yourself, ‘Why then are you talking about these things?’ It’s not the thing or person that is wrong, but where your desire is placed that determines whether it becomes a problem.

In I Kings 11:1-2, there is a problem that developed in the life of Solomon. “King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.” In this passage there are two words that stick out.

The first word is ‘however’ which means that Solomon took a detour in his life from what the Lord wanted him to take. The Lord warned him not to go in this direction. Yet his desire for women (let’s tell it like it is–sexual gratification) took priority over God’s plan and direction. The second word is ‘nevertheless’. God gave Solomon the warning not to marry foreign wives because of their worship of other gods and his temptation to be drawn to those gods. Nevertheless implies that the desire for other things overshadowed the desire to follow God’s directive. It is a mindset that basically says, “No matter what you tell me, I’m going to do what I want to do come hell or high water.”

It reminds me of the passage in Mark 4:19 where Jesus is talking about the four kinds of soil and describes the third soil as individuals that were fruitful at one time, “but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.” Whenever our desire takes presidence over God’s plan for our lives, we will take a detour into a life that ultimately will never satisfy. For you see, Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines and they were never enough to satisfy his sexual desire.

What tempts you on this journey? All of us can allow our desires to overpower God’s plan for our life. It’s important the road you choose on this journey on a daily basis. Desires are powerful influencers in our direction.

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An Amazing Man

Posted on March 22, 2011 by James Gorton

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

If God came to you and said that he would give you one wish, what wish might that be? What would be your request? Would it be that God brings about the best marriage you could imagine? If you are single would it be to bring a mate into your life to take away the loneliness? If you are having struggles with your children at the moment would it be to create a calm and tranquil environment in your home with your children? If you have struggled with finding a job, would it be the establishment of a stable long-term job? If you are struggling with paying your bills, would you want Him to give you enough money to live on the rest of your life? What would you ask God to do for you to fulfill your wish?

The answer depends on the needs that you are experiencing at the time I suppose. Solomon in fact was faced with that exact question. “At Gibeon the lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, ‘Ask for whatever you want me to give you.'” (I Kings 3:5) He (Solomon) saw his inadequacy in the lack of wisdom to lead the nation of Israel so he asked for wisdom. Most of you are aware of this request and God’s fulfillment of that request. In fact Solomon was and is known as the wisest person whom has ever lived.

What you may not be aware of is that, “He spoke three thousand proverbs and his songs numbered a thousand and five. He spoke about plant life, from the cedar of Lebanon to the hyssop that grows out of walls. He also spoke about animals and birds, reptiles and fish.” (I Kings 4:32-33). 3,000 proverbs! 1005 songs! A botanist! An arborist! An omithologist! A zoologist! A herpetologist! He truly had the mind of God to be able to talk with knowledge and understanding about any aspect of God’s creation. He was a song writer. But not just any song writer. He wrote 1005 songs. I don’t imagine there being anyone on the face of the earth past or present that has written as many songs as Solomon. Solomon is known mostly though for his proverbs. Yet in Proverbs if we take all the verses in the book and attribute them to Solomon, they would only comprise 915 proverbs of the 3,000 that he wrote. A truly an amazing man.

I have often prayed when I read through this part of the old testament that God would give me a measure of wisdom. I more fully understand that there will never be a person as wise as he was, but we can ask for wisdom as James 1 states, “If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives generously and without reproach. . .”

Today on this journey it would be helpful to have a measure of wisdom for the next steps we are to take and God is willing to give it when we ask in faith.

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Arrogant, Prideful Children

Posted on March 21, 2011 by James Gorton

Monday march 21, 2011

The last qualities that parents want coming out of their children are arrogance and pride. My dad grew up in an age when it was embarrassing to have prideful children. There was an old saying in his day to “keep them humble.” So growing up it was advised not to affirm the children, but to focus on what they were not doing so that pride would not be built in there lives. Some of you reading this experienced this kind of training like myself. It did accomplish the purpose of not building pride, but some other negative qualities emerged in the process of having poor self-esteem and wanting to do things in a perfectionistic way. There needed to be some balance in the raising of children.

In contrast to how I was raised, I see a parenting plan of King David that went in the opposite direction. “He (David) had never rebuked him (Adonijah, David’s son) by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?”. The backdrop of this statement happens in the previous passage where Adonijah decided one day he would be king. Mind you his father was already King and had not relinquished his throne. That would be like saying today that he decided to take over his father’s business when a father was alive and running the business. Pretty arrogant don’t you think. But this attitude of Adonijah didn’t just express itself one day. This attitude had been cultivated over a period of time by the lack of confrontation of David on other things that he had said or done over the years. When a parent fails or choose not to discipline a child as they are growing up, certain negative qualities begin to emerge.

The wisest man on earth was Solomon who wrote some passages on sparing the rod and spoiling a child you can look at in your spare time (Proverbs 13:24; 22:15 23;13-14; 26:3; 29:15). It is interesting to note that Solomon, Adonijah’s brother, saw this lack of discipline manifested in his brother. And who did David put on the throne in place of Adonijah–Solomon. Solomon learned from observation that no discipline leads to arrogance and pride. If you read Proverbs, written by Solomon, you will see many passages on pride as well.

This journey has many forks to travel and we need to choose wisely as we raise our children.

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In Heaven

Posted on March 19, 2011 by James Gorton

Saturday 19, 2011

Yesterday, I decided to take some time for myself. I packed up the truck put Monty, my–well Victoria’s Cavalier King Charles dog, in the truck, made some sandwiches, slipped in a couple of apples, and headed north to Flagstaff. I checked in to the cottage there, dropped Monty off, and continued heading north to the San Francisco Peak where Snow Bowl is located. At 10:10 is was in the lift chair heading up for my first run. As you can see there were hardly any people on the lift or on the slope

It was so clear that you could see for miles from the top of the mountain.

It was a wonderful day and I got off the mountain sore, but with no broken bones or sprained muscles.  God truly did create the most beautiful sights that we are able to see and enjoy.

Sometimes the journey allows us to enjoy some exhilaration.

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Staying Power

Posted on March 18, 2011 by James Gorton

Friday March 18, 2011

There was a deodorant advertisement a few years ago that had the slogan “the deodorant with staying power.” It was supposed to continue covering your body odor throughout the day and not leave you. When I think of staying power I think of words such as tenacity, or perseverance, stick tuitiveness, hanging in there. It signifies a quality of loyalty and never giving up.

It’s a quality that emerged in one of King David’s three closest friends and warriors. To my knowledge he is not mentioned anywhere else in scripture, but this place. In II Samuel 23:9-10 we read, “Eleazar, son of Dodai the Ahohite, was with David when they taunted the Philistines gathered at Pas Dammim for battle. Then the Israelites retreated, but Eleazar stood his ground and struck down the Philistines till his hand grew tired and froze to the sword. The lord brought about a great victory that day. The troops returned to Eleazar, but only to strip the dead.” The Isrealites were fighting the Philistines and for whatever reason decided to retreat from battle. All retreated except Eleazar. He stood his ground! He struck down the Philistines! He grew tired! His hand froze to the sword! He had staying power! And the lord gave great victory that day! Why? Rather than retreating when he got tired or saw the enemy outnumber him, he stayed and relied on God’s power to gain the victory.

As you read the last part of the passage, it says the troops returned to Eleazar, but only to strip the dead. They only came back to reap the benefits of what someone else had done. Rather than staying power, they had retreating power. When the going got tough, they ran. Retreated. Gave up. Withdrew. When the battle was hard they didn’t want any part of the action, but they were ready to collect the rewards of victory.

What quality comes across in your relationships and conflicts with others? Would you be characterized by staying in the conflict until you experience victory, or do you have a tendency to retreat when problems arise? There will definitely be times of being worn out when you feel like giving up. But when God calls you to a task or work on a relationship, He will give you the tenacity (staying power) to stick in there until it is accomplished.

On this journey I want to be known for my staying power with God and with others. What about you?

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Sacrificial Friendship

Posted on March 17, 2011 by James Gorton

Thursday March 17, 2011

True friendships are in short supply today. Or could it be that my skills as a friend is something that needs to be worked on. When I think of the friends that I would call my friends, I experience joy in my heart to think of the wonderful people they are and the encouragement they have brought my way. They have been there for me when times were tough. They have given me a call to see how I am doing or have offered me some direction when I had questions of where to turn. They have at times challenged me when I needed to be challenged. I do have wonderful friends.

My question today is whether or not I am the best friend to them when they are in times of need. As I was reading this morning in II Samuel 23 I came across an incident where David was thirsty for water. Three of his friends found out about his need and went to get water for him. Not only did they go and get water, but they risked their lives to do so. The Israelites were at the time fighting the Philistines and the only water around was being guarded by the Philistines. “So the three mighty warriors broke through the Philistine lines, drew water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem and carried it back to David. But he refused to drink it; instead, he poured it out before the lord (II Samuel 23:24).” David’s three friends were willing to sacrifice their lives to supply water for their thirsty friend. David poured out the water on the ground. He saw that their sacrifice was much greater then his need.

Jesus speaks to this kind of love when He says in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Jesus Christ loved you and me enough to lay down his life for us so that we could be freed from the sins that so easily entangle us. I would like to be able to have this kind of sacrificial kind of love for my friends, but when I take an honest look at my commitment to my friends, I wonder how good a friend am I. Would I be willing to sacrifice myself for my friend so that their needs could be met? Is my focus so much on myself that I am not sensitive to the needs of my friends around me?

Sometimes on this journey we have to ask the hard questions and come to some sobering truths about ourselves. I’ve got a long way to go on this journey.

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He Who Hesitates

Posted on March 16, 2011 by James Gorton

Wednesday March 16, 2011

It’s a very old saying, he who hesitates is lost. I did some research and found that the earliest use of this proverb was used by Joseph Addison, an English essayist and poet, in the play Cato (1713). It basically means that when we are swift and resolute in our actions we will experience success. Self-doubt on the other hand is a prelude to disaster. It was first used in the United States in “The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table” by Oliver Wendell Holmes.

This proverb has been used when people are talking about a potential job opportunity and wanting someone to buy into an idea. It has been used by friends to encourage others to take the initiative to meet a person of the opposite sex. It has also been used to get people to buy a seemingly great deal on a car or an appliance or a house when the deal will be removed from possible purchase soon.

I see this proverb working in the life of David, king of Israel. It comes out of the story from yesterday’s jlog where David decides to have his son Absalom come back home after being fugitive for three years after killing his brother for raping his sister Tamar. Hesitation is demonstrated by David in not seeking to reconnect with Absalom for three years. David invites his son back home but in II Samuel 14:24 we read, “But the king said, ‘He must go to his own house; he must not see my face.’ So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king.” In fact he stayed in Jerusalem for two full years without seeing his father. In the same town. Right next to where His father lived. David hesitated to connect with his son for FIVE years. Resentment and bitterness festered in Absalom for his father. David did nothing to deal with the rape of Tamar and he did nothing to reconnect with Absalom.

The rest of the story tells the impact of hesitating to connect with his son. Absalom began setting outside the gates and telling the people that the King (his father) wasn’t interested in their problems and won the people over to himself. Where do you think he got that idea? He by force took over his father’s kingdom.

What would have happened if David would have reached out without hesitation and connected with Absalom. What would happen in our relationships if we would let down our pride and seek to connect with someone we have been estranged from? How many marriages would be saved or children set straight if we didn’t hesitate in our connecting with them? On this journey we have the power to move with swiftness so that relationships can be reconciled.

On this journey sometimes we need to have decisive feet.

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Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk

Posted on March 15, 2011 by James Gorton

Tuesday March 15, 2011

How many of you reading my jlog today have heard the saying “Don’t cry over spilled milk”. It’s not used much any more like the saying I sometimes use in my counseling “one swallow doesn’t make s summer.” I think we have lost some of the wonderful common teachings that should be foundational stones in our relationships with one another. “Don’t cry over spilled milk” refers to not staying stuck on mistakes we have made, but learning from them and moving on in our lives and relationships.

I came across another passage in II Samuel 14:14 that applies to our connecting with relationships today. The backdrop of the story centers on David’s son Absalom who in the past had let his anger get the best of him and killed one of his brothers for raping his sister two years previously.   Absalom fled from his homeland and was a refugee for three years. David longed to see his son Absalom, but did nothing to bring him back into the country. He had gotten over the death of his son Amnon whom Absalom had killed. Yet David didn’t take any steps to reconnect with Absalom.

So a woman is prompted to come to David and set up a story similar to his own about two sons, one of which killed the other. She finishes her story by saying, “Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires; rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him (II Samuel 14:14).” The woman says that our lives are like water when it is spilled out on the ground. The time we have expended today can never be gathered up again. It’s gone. The time I have been given this morning is gone. Each and every second we have lived in the past is gone forever. The disconnects we have with our marriage, our children, our friends, our God have gone and can never be reclaimed. I don’t know about you, but if we stop and just think about that, it is very depressing.

Yet the passage continues by saying that God wants us as much as possible to reconnect with those relationships that have been disconnected. It is our responsibility to seek reconciliation with those we have been estranged with. In the case of David, he needed to seek to reconnect with his son that he longed for but had done nothing to reestablish that connection. It’s like crying over spilled milk. We can’t do anything about the milk that is spilled, but we can put our energy into taking care of the milk that we still do have.

This week I am by myself and am beginning to really enjoy looking at my life and what I want to do to make the most of the rest of my life. The past life is gone. The present and the future is all I have. This journey is one where we make the most of the steps we take today by living for today and the future.

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