relationallychallenged

Friday, August 12, 2011

I have not been posting over the last week and there is a legitimate reason for not posting. I was away visiting my daughters Deborah and Victoria (they go by Debi and Tori, but I refuse to use the cut down version of their names because they are Deborah and Victoria to me) in Virginia and my grandson Brayden. Carter went with me and Nadine, a very close friend of mine flew in a couple of days later. We had a wonderful time with the girls and spent time with the one who now has me wrapped around my finger. One morning I was washing the dishes in the kitchen sink and here Brayden comes with his stool and sits it down next to me to do the same thing he saw his Pa Pa doing.

Do you see me helping Pa Pa, Ma Ma

Notice the tip toes to get as close to the water as he can?  I didn’t get it when people talked about their grandchildren, but now I do.  Every time he would say Pa Pa to me, my heart would melt in wanting to hold him or kiss him.  They were magical words to me.  On Tuesday we were given the privilege of taking him for 5 hours while the kids went paint balling (war games with paint that stings if you get hit).   Nadine and I took him to Bella’s Pizza and he ate 2/3 bowl of spagetti and marinaria sauce.  He loved it, but his system didn’t hand he had the runs for a 24 hour period.  It wasn’t our problem because we left the next day.  Now I can see why grandparents have said you can love them and then leave them for the parents to clean up the messes.  I can hardly wait until the next encounter we have with my daughters and yes, Brayden.

As far as my jlog, I will get back into the routine this coming Monday.  Until then I will post some of our wonderful memories of what we did in Norfolk, VA.  Enjoy my journey with my kids.

Tuesday August 9, 2011

There is a skill in life that we all take for granted. We spend no time on learning this skill in school or college and I dare say that only a few of you have had a course in this skill. During our waking hours we use this skill 40% of the time and yet we are trained the least. Have you guessed what this skill is? It is the first skill that we used as an infant and it will be the last skill we will use before we die.  We have more resources to develop this skill on our body than any other skill we will ever use. Have you guessed this skill yet? I stopped at this point in writing and asked my son if he could guess it and he said breathing. It is a good guess and it could be the answer, but it wasn’t the answer I was looking for. It is listening. An infant hears the doctor and the nurse and the mother when they come out of the womb. We have two ears and two eyes for listening to content and for body language. We listen the most throughout the day, but we are taught it the least. Very few of you have ever had a class or seminar on developing your listening skills.

I dare say that in conversations within the home among family members, 80+% of conflicts in the home would never take place if family members took the time to truly listen and hear what others were saying. Solomon in Proverbs saw the importance of listening when he said, “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13). If only we could heed his advise and take the time to listen fully to what someone is saying before jumping to conclusions and seeming like a fool because we didn’t fully understand what someone was saying. James says, “Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19) James says that if we would take the time to truly listen before we are slow to speak, we would be able to control our anger, something to ponder for those of us who have a tendency to become angry. In fact in the bible, the words “to listen” or “to hear” are the most widely used words in the Old and New Testaments (500+ times in both Testaments).

I guess God gave us to ears and one mouth because He knew that we needed to use our ears much more than we would need to use our mouth.. On this journey, sometimes it is very helpful to be quiet and begin to listen to the sights and sounds around us.

Friday, August 5, 2011

I have gotten into the game thing on my Ipad, but it is a game that has been around for a long tme. In fact, I have played this game with my self when I was 5-6 and played it with my grandma on snow days and with my parents. It seems to never get tiring and I have found that my son plays it as well on some occasions. Have you guessed it yet? It is a card game and is played with the whole deck. The next clue will give it away. It consists of 7 piles with a turned up card each time you lay the cards down. For some of you, you will know it as solitaire and for others Klondike. What is interesting on the computer, you can take a card from the four piles at the top and use the card to play on the bottom runs to open up another pile and turn a card over. The object of the game is to play all of the bottom cards on the 4 piles at the top from A to K in consecutive order.

What I don’t want to do in the game is to take a card from the top pile and sacrafice it back on the bottom pile. But if you don’t do that at times, you will never be able to turn the cards over on the bottom of the piles and won’t win. I see that as a metaphor in the Christian life. Jesus saw that the only way for me and for you to experience freedom from sin was to sacrifice himself on the cross so that we could experience freedom and victory. There are times in life where He wants us to sacrifice something that is important to us for the greater good of others like He did. Sometimes that means being a servant to others when we are tired and want to just go to bed. Sometimes it means turning off a show on television that we love to watch to connect with a spouse or a child in what they need. Sometimes it may mean giving up our resources for others who are in need.

The ultimate sacrafice was Jesus Christ choosing to give his life up and disconnect from the Father so that we could be allowed to experience freedom and eternal life. In the game of solitaire, sometimes we need to take cards that have been played on one of the 4 piles and pull it off the pile to open up another pile to hopefully win the game. God is calling us to live a life of sacrafice in various areas of life so that others my life and experience what God wants them to experience.

On this journey, sometimes to move forward on our path means that we have to take some steps back for the good of others.

Friday July 22, 2011

This is a rushed morning as Carter is going to Young Life Camp this morning and I am headed to Flagstaff where it is cooler. I began to read the Proverbs and there is a wealth of advice and wisdom. One of the first passages that popped out to me says, “My son, do not despise the lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” (Proverbs 3:11-12 NIV). I know what it feels like to be disciplined by my earthly father. I do remember a couple of times when he spanked me and I vividly remember how he handled my fascination with fire and matches. He caught me lighting a fire behind a neighbors barn and luckily the barn didn’t catch fire. When my dad found out, he took me into the kitchen and proceeded to have me light match after match and hold it until I couldn’t hold it any more. It did the trick because I never played with matches again. I’m not necessarily supporting the way he went about teaching me the lesson, but he was trying to discipline me the best he knew how.

What I have been wrestling about is how the Lord disciplines us. I would like comments from you who have read this far as to how you have experienced discipline from the Lord. He doesn’t spank us. He doesn’t ground us. My question is how the Lord disciplines us. I have been pondering that question and would like some input from you. I will come back to this again, but I have to wake up Carter now and get on the road.

Sometimes the journey has questions that takes time to answer.