City Vices

Posted on December 19, 2016 by James Gorton

Last week a survey popped up on the news regarding Scottsdale being the most vain city of 150 cities surveyed.  They looked at the number of plastic surgeons per capita of people in the city and came up with Scottsdale as the most vain city.  For those of us who live in Scottsdale, it’s not a surprise as it seems that on every corner and in every magazine, there are advertisements for recreating your figure, or changing the wrinkles on your face.

What the news bureaus didn’t take time to report were the other vices that they surveyed with the 150 cities.  Las Vegas ended up as the most sinful (lustful) city of the cities represented, but in other cities, bad things happen and stay there too.  Stinginess characterized Worcester, MA, and beer drinking took the top spot in Madison, WI.  Violent crimes had two top cities of St. Louis and Detroit.  The summary for me is that no place is innocent.  Everywhere you go, if it’s not one vice, it will be another.

I am reminded of the first community that existed on this planet.  It’s the story of Adam and Eve after they were kicked out of the garden and began to propagate the planet.  The story emerges in Genesis 4.  Adam and Eve brought forth two sons, Cain and Abel.  It seems that jealousy created a rift between the brothers.  Cain was jealous of Abel and his relationship with God, so he invited Abel out to a field.  “While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.” Gen. 4:8.  There were 4 people on the face of the earth, and one killed one of the four.  Do you realize that 25% of the world’s population was destroyed.  Think of the odds if you were thinking about your community.  It would cause me not to go outside at night or even in the daytime.

From the very beginning of time, bad things happened to people and that experiential lifestyle has carried over to this very day.  As with Cain killing Abel, it was a choice he made based upon his negative feelings of his brother.  He had the opportunity to make a different choice, a healthier choice.

As I look at the different vices that cities are shackled with today, lust, anger, stinginess, drunkenness, etc., I see that in all of these vices, we have choices to make of whether or not to allow these vices to become a reality in our lives.

On this journey, as we celebrate Christmas, you  and I can choose to make positive choices as we interact with loved ones and friends.  I am choosing to work on the potential vices that crop up in my life and make healthier choices.  I encourage you to do the same.

 

 

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Can You Believe It!! Five Years

Posted on December 17, 2016 by James Gorton

Today Nadine and I celebrate our fifth anniversary.  It was five years ago that we took this picture after our wedding and before our reception.

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It’s been five years (did I mention that) and over that time, Nadine has become my best friend, my confidant, my advisor, my supporter, my reminder, my confronter, my lover, and my orangutan (she makes sure to pick all lint and hair on my clothes before I leave the house).  She has befriended my children and has become a great support and confidant to them as well over these five years (have I mentioned this).  Just a side note.  If my children need something from my, they write a note to Nadine because they know I will get the message.

She is the love of my life here on this earth and I today want to celebrate with her this grand occasion.   I am so thankful to the Lord who saw fit to bring such a wonderful person into my life.  As Jack Nickolson said in As Good as it Gets, “She makes me want to be a better person.”

Today I solute you, Nadine, for coming into my life.  I thank the Lord for introducing her to me.  I am so thankful for this day of celebration as I journey through life that I have such a wonderful person to share the road with.

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Need Comfort?

Posted on December 14, 2016 by James Gorton

The holidays can be a bear.  I don’t mean a literal bear, but times of a great amount of stress.  Christmas coming up has a lot of elements that create stress.  Buying the right gift for the wife-husband, children, grandkids, friends, mothers, fathers, in-laws, out-laws is stressful.  Choosing who to buy a gift for and who not to buy gifts for is stressful.  Having a season when the funds are low and making choices as to limiting the gift giving is very stressful and humbling.

Stress not only comes from gift giving or not, but comes from the relational interactions within the family.  Children come to mind when we put them thru very stressful experiences of parties, long hours of the day where we expect them to go along with the agendas.  Going from store to store to buy gifts or shopping for the Christmas meal.  Waiting in long lines for food and gifts purchases.  Children missing needed sleep and waking up grumpy compound the problem.

What about adult interactions?  Even the best families with great interactions can create stress when adults are tired from all the hustle and bustle.  As someone has once said, when you interrupt the two essential needs of a man–eating and sleeping, you cause him to adversely change his attitude.  Compound the stress when the relational interactions carry years and years of baggage from unresolved problems, and you have a ticking time bomb waiting to happen.

The stress around Christmas can be compounded as well when internally we may be dealing with physical problems that limit our ability to be 100% present with the people that we love.  We may have gotten information from the medical community that challenges our ability to be present in our mindset of our life.  This may be the first year or several that we are celebrating a holiday with one of our loved ones not being there, either because of death or because of that person is celebrating with a new family or is unable to come.

The Christmas holiday is a time where some or many of these factors cause us to need comfort and a sense of peace.  Paul was in tune with these times as he wrote the letter to the Corinthians (II Corinthians 1:3-9) who were dealing with issues of stress and troubles in life.  He related to their issues when he said, “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death.”  He was speaking about physical issues and stresses that caused him to “despair of life itself”.  So what was Paul’s solution to dealing with troubles and stresses of life?  Is there an answer to the problems and stresses that we oftentimes experience at Christmas?

The answer that Paul gave is in II Corinthians 1:3-4 when he said, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”  The very person that we celebrate His birthday at Christmas time–Jesus Christ–is the very person that came to give us comfort in times of trials, physical difficulties, relational struggles, and physical loss.  He has come to comfort us “in all of our troubles.”  Any and all struggles.  All of our physical problems.  All of our losses.  God’s comfort is for you and for me as we celebrate His birth this Christmas holiday.

On this journey through life, we will encounter difficulties internally and externally.  They may touch the very core of our soul.  Yet there is comfort that can be realized during times of trouble if only we seek the one who brings that comfort.

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Not Remembering

Posted on December 13, 2016 by James Gorton

My grandson a few days ago was at the kitchen counter talking to Deborah, his aunt.  Brayden began the conversation by saying, “Grandpa, no I mean Parker, Victoria, Carter, Grandma Nay Nay, no I mean Keaton, no wait, wait, wait (as he got off the stool and with his hands began pushing out as he was backing up), I mean Debi?”  He stopped and then said to Debi that he was imitating Grandma Nay-Nay.

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I hated it when my grandma Gorton did the same thing when she was talking with me and had to go thru the alphabet of family names in order to get the right person–me.  I didn’t like it then, but have found myself like my wife having difficulty not remembering my kids or my grandkids names at certain moments.  This problem goes deeper though with me.

I go through the house trying to remember where I left my sun glasses or keys or both.  There several places that I look first, but my normal response to my forgetfulness is to ask my wife Nadine who most of the time knows where I left them.  I have gotten over the tendency to blame her for the misplacement–my misplacement and forgetfulness.  If only I could place those important pieces in the same place every time I come into the home.  The problem would be solved, but that would be too easy.  I do think it makes Nadine feel important when I ask her where things are, but I’m probably giving it too much value as she responds with annoyance which is how most partners respond.

This not remembering has taken other forms when I interact with other people.  I begin to tell a story of a past experience and explain the intricacies of the events.  As I am explaining the story, my mind begins to remember things that I was leaving out which changes the story.  It reminds me of a passage that Paul wrote as he was telling a story to the Corinthian people.  “I thank God that I did not baptize any of you except Crispus and Gaius, so no one can say that you were baptized in my name. (Yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I don’t remember if I baptized anyone else.)”‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭1:14-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

As he was telling the story, he didn’t remember certain aspects of who he had baptized, but as the story began to unfold, he began to remember others who had been baptized by him.  He finished the story by covering himself by saying, “I don’t remember if I baptized anyone else.”

It was after writing this jlog that I wanted Victoria, Brayden’s mother, to read what I had written.  When she answered the phone, I couldn’t remember why I had called.  I knew that I wanted to tell her something, but I completely forgot what it was that I wanted to tell her.  After talking for a few minutes on the phone, I remembered to tell her to read the jlog entitled Not remembering.  I guess I have this problem more than I thought.

On this journey there will be times as we go along where be become forgetful of the events of the past.  Those pieces of information are not nearly as important as recognizing that we will forget and not remember.  Recognizing our inadequacies is an important process of seeing our weaknesses and continuing to move forward into the future.  The stuff we forget isn’t nearly as important as the people we connect with.

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38 Years And Counting

Posted on December 12, 2016 by James Gorton

It was 38 years ago that we got into a car at 5:30 and drove 4 hours from Tampa to Ft. Lauderdale the most precious gift we had ever gotten.  You see, my late wife Cynthia and I were unable to have children naturally so God laid it on our hearts to pray for a child in January 1978 that would be born in the year 1978.  April came and we realized that the prayer wouldn’t be fulfilled naturally, so we began to look at adopting a child.

The adoption agencies we went to told us it would take 3-4 years to go thru the adoption process.  In May, we went to an adoption attorney in Atlanta who gave us little hope either, but said he would take our names if any situation arose for us to adopt.  All thru the summer we heard nothing and reconnected the agencies as well as the lawyer to see if they had any news for us in the fall.  No news.  No good news.

December 1978 came around with no news of a baby to adopt.  Yet we heard from the Lord to believe that He would provide a baby for us in 1978.  We had plans to leave Tampa to fly to California to attend a relative’s wedding on December 15.  On December 11 no news of a baby.  Four days before we were to leave.  On that afternoon, I was at a meeting with my boss and while I was there, a call came in to his house trying to find ME.  I answered the phone and it was the lawyer from Atlanta.  He had lost my phone number but remembered that I was in Florida working for a Christian agency so he called the Florida headquarters to find me.

I’ll never forget what he said.  “You and your wife have been chosen to adopt a baby that is to be born December 15 in Ft. Lauderdale.”  I told him that we were flying out on that day and he assured me that babies rarely are born on the due date and took down my information as to how to get ahold of us when the baby was born.

I immediately called Cynthia and we began to pray for the baby.  The next morning–38 years ago today–we got a call that a baby girl was born and that we could pick her up on the 15th of December.  Deborah Elizabeth Gorton.  Early on December 15, 1978 we drove 4+ hours to Ft. Lauderdale to pick up our first child.  During that era, there was no such thing as baby seats, so one of us sat in the back holding our gift as we drove back to Tampa.  We were on the plane at 10 p.m. that night flying to California with our child.

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Since that birth, Deborah has finished college, received her Ph.D. in psychology and become a licensed psychologist in Chicago, and is the Head of the counseling department and counseling center at Moody Bible Institute.  She in fact set up the program for the school as well as the counseling center.  37 years and counting.

On this journey it is helpful to look back and see the blessings that God has brought our way so as to give us encouragement as we look forward to what God wants to do in our lives.

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No Greater Joy

Posted on December 1, 2016 by James Gorton

Can you believe it’s December.  It seemed like only a week ago when were celebrating Thanksgiving turkey–I’m sorry, we were.  It’s December 1 and we only have a few weeks before we are celebrating the Lord’s birth.

I bring up Thanksgiving because something happened over the weekend that caused me to be truly thankful.  Thanksgiving day was a special day of celebrating what we are thankful for.  It was a great day of cooking and baking and taking time to play games with the whole family, but that’s not the event that gave me cause for being the most thankful.

What happened on Sunday of that weekend is what caught my thoughts and mind.  I was sitting in church–the front row as I usually do and I happened to look to my right where my three children were sitting.  All of them have made a commitment to follow the Lord and a verse came to mind as I was looking down the row.   “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth.”I John 3:14  NO GREATER JOY.  This doesn’t mean that my children are perfect.  Far from it.  It doesn’t mean that they are angels.  They are not.  It doesn’t mean they don’t make mistakes.  They do.  It doesn’t mean that they have been walking in the truth all of their lives.  They haven’t.  What it does mean is that with all of their flaws and mistakes, they are seeking to walk with the Lord and that brings me great joy.

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On this journey we need to celebrate the victories in the process of this life journey. Their commitment to the process of walking with the Lord has stopped me to reflect of how thankful I am for their lives.

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Zeal For Life

Posted on November 21, 2016 by James Gorton

What are you passionate about?  What holds your attention and burns in your soul?  What would you do to gain whatever you are zealous for?  What keeps you up at night and doesn’t let you go to bed?  What captures your thought process when you interact with others throughout the day?

I believe that passion for life has been diluted in our everyday experiences.  Passion has been defined by a strong and barely controllable emotion.  It is an emotion that causes you to act in a dangerous way.  It can be a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm or desire for anything such as a passion for music, for a recreational endeavor, or an activity such as writing or reading.  I wanted to fully know this word, so I looked up zeal as well.  Merriam-Webster defines zeal as a “passion, server, ardor, enthusiasm with intense emotion that compels us to action.  It deeply stirs us to ungovernable choices and action.

So what are you passionate about?  What are you zealous for?  What drives you to uncontrollable action?  The reason for my thought process today centered on a passage in the bible that caught my attention.  It is a story in the early life of Jesus’ ministry where He went into the temple and found something despicable to Him.  “It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover celebration, so Jesus went to Jerusalem.  In the Temple area he saw merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for sacrifices; he also saw dealers at tables exchanging foreign money.  Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables.  Then, going over to the people who sold doves, he told them, ‘Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!’ Then his disciples remembered this prophecy from the Scriptures: ‘Passion for God’s house will consume me.'”  (John 2:13-17 Living Bible).  Jesus’ passion for God’s house drove him to the actions of herding sheep and cattle out of the church yard.  He overturned the tables of the money changers.  He scattered the coins all over the floor.  He forced those who sold doves to remove them from the premises.  He used leather whips to chase those selling out of the temple.  Uncontrollable.  Passionate.  Zealous.  All of the above.

I have been thinking about what drives me to uncontrollable actions?  Do you have that kind of passion?  Are you zealous for anything in life?  I do believe that all of us could answer that question differently based on our strengths, gifts and abilities.  I have asked that question to many people I come in contact with when they tell me about their profession.  Are you passionate about what you do?  Do you love what you do?

For me, God has put marital and family relationships in that passionate category.  I love to counsel.  I love to help people with their parenting and marital issues.  I take the time with any person who has questions about these areas and seek to give them guidance to improve their relational situation, whether I’m getting paid of it or not.  I love what I do and am ready always to help those in need.

On this journey passion can drive us to impact our sphere of influence if we take the time to identify what drives us to passionate action.  The answer to what drives us can be the first step in being zealous for life.

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Driving LIKE Miss Daisy

Posted on November 19, 2016 by James Gorton

There was a film that came out in 1989 with Morgan Freeman, Jessica Tandy and Dan Aykroyd being the key cast members entitled Driving Miss Daisy.  It’s a story of a son (Dan Aykroyd) recognizing that his mother (Jessica Tandy) needed to quit driving and hired a driver (Morgan Freeman) to drive her around.  It was filmed in the deep south with the factions of black and white being in play.  Driving Miss Daisy centered on Morgan and Jessica coming together to become best friends.

I bring this movie to mind, because my kids and in particular Carter think that I drive like an old man (Miss Daisy).  Mind you, I haven’t always been like this.  I am known for driving fast and getting speeding tickets, but more recently getting out of speeding tickets as in my most recent episode.  I was driving up to Flagstaff with my dog Monty when a policeman stopped me for driving too fast in a work zone.  He approached me from the passenger side and saw Monty, my Cavalier King Charles spaniel, sitting in the passenger seat.

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Before we knew it, we were talking about dogs and he finished by saying, just watch your speed and let me go–without a ticket or a warning.  But I digress.

My wife and I over the last few months bought a four-door pick-up truck.  On the speed-o-meter is a reading that gives you miles per gallon (mpg) reading and I have become fascinated to increase that number as I drive.  That means that I have to slow down when I am driving, and slowly accelerate when I go from a stopping position.  Trucks notoriously get bad gas mileage, but I am getting 16-17 miles per gallon even when I am driving in town and more on the road.

When I talked to my son Carter about this, he brushed me off, because he drives like I used to and gets poor gas mileage on his vehicle–and could care less about his gas mileage.  He  could care less about the gas he was using to accelerate until today.

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I was driving with him as he took me to pick up my truck and I so happened to look over at his gauges.  The mpg said 17.4 and I said, “Carter what’s going on with your mpg?!!!  Are you driving differently?!!!  Are you beginning to drive like your dad?!!!”  I began to laugh uncontrollably as I realized he was beginning to copy his dad in his most recent pattern of driving (driving LIKE Miss Daisy).

On this journey, you never know who is watching you in terms of your patterns of behavior.  Just because they make fun of something you are doing, you are always planting seeds in the next generation and you never know when or where that seed you planted may germinate.  Happy planting.

 

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You’re Hurting My Ears

Posted on November 17, 2016 by James Gorton

My daughter came over tonight to pick up Brayden, my 6-year-old grandson that I had picked up from elementary school.  She brought over her Keaton, her 3-year-old as well.  The boys were running around the house chasing one another as Victoria and I caught up on the day’s activities in her life and in mine.

Brayden loves sports so he wanted to watch some college basketball before his mother came.  While they were there, the game was about to start and a woman came on the TV singing the national anthem.  I decided to sing along with her and match her beautiful voice with mine.  A side bar.

I have always thought I had a pretty good voice when it comes to music.  I can carry a tune and have sung in choirs in church was well as the men’s glee club when I was in college (40+ years ago).  I do love to sing loud which over the years has been embarrassing to my children who have stood next to me in church.  I have heard more than a hand full of times to sing softer.  Well, back to the story.

I was singing the national anthem and when I got done, my 3-year-old grandson Keaton looked at me and said, “You hurt my ears, PAPA!”  I had no idea.  He was verbalizing his feelings that his mother taught him to verbalize, that I taught her to verbalize.  I truly didn’t mean to hurt his ears and asked him if he wanted me to kiss his ears.  He said, “Yes” so I pulled him close and gently kissed his ears and off he went.

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You see, I had no idea that what I was doing was hurting my grandson.  Fortunately he told me and I could take steps to repair the situation.  How many times do we find ourselves hurting someone and never knowing that we are hurting them.  We are insensitive to what we are saying or doing that is causing pain in those around us.

If there is one quality that I could give everyone that I come in contact with, that one quality would be sensitivity.  You see sensitivity comes before initiative.  I have to be sensitized to what I am doing wrong before I can take the initiative to change whatever I’m doing.  I know that being a sensitive man is not in the book of a macho man, but it is an essential quality if we are going to build connected relationships.

On this journey open your ears to those around you (including the little ones in our lives) so that we don’t hurt the ones we love.

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An Amazing Day: An Admirer

Posted on November 16, 2016 by James Gorton

After visiting Mom’s co-worker Jean Mudd, we were ready to head back to Colorado Springs where Mom now lives.  We said good-bye and started walking out via the waiting area of the assisted living home.  As we were about to exit the front door, a lady stopped my mother and said, “You are the one who hung the moon in Flagler.  You are the most important person to ever grace the town of Flagler.”  Mom and I were stunned as neither of us knew  who she was.

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She introduced herself as Doris Rowden, and the pieces began to fit together in my mother’s mind.  The last teaching assignment for Mom was in the town of Flagler.  Mom taught English and Home Economics.  Everyone had to take both of those classes during their time in high school, and it so happened that Mother had taught the three adopted children that Dave and Doris raised.  The two girls were twins and the boy was described later by my mom as a rebel.  He had to take her Home Economics class and recalled that he made a stuffed animal.  While he was in her class, he calmed down and never gave Mom any trouble.

Doris went on and on about the impact that Mom had on her three children.  She described Mom as a life saver, something that my mom had no knowledge of when she was teaching the teenagers decades ago.  Does this story remind you of someone who impacted your life as you were growing up.  A teacher.  A pastor.  A friend.  Neighbor.  Boyfriend.  Girlfriend.  First employer.  Coach.  Relative.  Fill in the blank.  In this case, Mom was a very positive role model for these teenagers.  If you remember someone in your life that positively impacted you in some way, it might be beneficial if at all possible to contact them by letter, phone or in person and tell them what they said or did to help you in your journey.

Unfortunately the opposite is true about someone who had a very negative effect upon us who could be one of the relationships just mentioned.  When you think of this person, only negative feelings of bitterness and resentment emerge.  If you find yourself in this camp, it might be beneficial to take some time possibly with a professional to help you cut away the negative effects of this person so that you can move forward with the rest of the journey that God has given you.

The writer of Hebrews 12:1-2 talks about the need to “lay aside the sins and encumbrances that so easily entangle us so that we can run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.”  In order to run the race before us, we need to cut away those things that have negatively impacted us either internally (our sins) or externally (the encumbrances that have been placed on us by others).

This journey we all are running is filled with negative and positive impactors all along the road.  Affirm the positive impactors and cut away the negative ones so that we might run with endurance the race set before us.

 

 

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