Excruitiating Pain


Have you ever experienced pain that draws all of your faculties to the source of the pain?  We are in the football playoffs and we will see someone get hit on the field that will cause the game to stop as they take care of the player who is in serious pain.  But I am not talking about that kind of pain.  Have you had someone who was in an automobile accident and had cuts and lacerations over their body, or more serious injuries?  They are in serious pain, but I am not talking about that kind of pain.

I am talking about the kind of pain that is in the remotest part of your body that doctors say is useless.  It is a part of the body that could be done away with and you would never know it was missing.  It’s a part of the body that hardly anyone sees throughout their lifetime, but is visible if you take the time to look at it.  This last statement rules out any parts of the body that is internal.

So what part of the body am I talking about?  Let me first tell you what happened and then you will know.  I was carrying out the garbage, and rolling out the garbage can a few days ago to the street so that the garbage truck could dump it in the waste management fill.  I got it to the street, but it was giving me a hard time of being in the right place with the front of the can facing the street.  I lifted up the back of the can and tried to move it to the right just a little and then it happened.  The garbage can hit the top of my boot and landed on my left little toe.

I instantly felt the pain going through my whole body.  Even my alligator belly boots couldn’t protect the weight of the can as it crashed down on my toe.  I couldn’t walk.  I couldn’t place any weight on my foot.  But it was just a little toe.  And a broken one at that.  A toe that doesn’t seem to have any purpose in life on my foot, but when it was sat upon, it cried out and all the other members of my body reacted accordingly.

Most of us have had the misfortune of walking around in the dark and crash our foot into a seemingly invisible obstacle such as a door jamb or an immovable table leg and cry out in pain.  This experience reminds me of the person who lived in the mountains and was responsible for cleaning the lake of debris so that the townspeople in the valley could have clear drinking water.  When the budget in the town needed to be cut because of a lack of funds, it was decided that the person cleaning the lake didn’t need to be kept and so he was let go of his responsibilities (they saw him as a little toe).  No one ever saw what he was doing.  His job became disposable.

A few weeks into the budget cuts, the water began to smell and turn brown.  People complained about the water and realized that the person who seemed invisible was actually the one responsible for the clean water.  We never know that our toe is there until something happens to it and causes pain.

On this journey, will come in contact with people in our community that seem like little toes and are of no use to our society until they are no longer here.  Today is a great opportunity to focus on the little people in our society who need a word of encouragement especially if they are hurting.

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Life Long Learner


One of my favorite jobs is to shuttle for my wife’s business, Airpark Auto Service, an auto repair facility. When people bring in their cars, she has a free shuttle service to take people back to their homes or work, or to pick them up when their cars are finished. I work a couple of days a week for a few hours each day before I go to my counseling practice.

Last week I was shuttling Frank back to the facility because his car was done. I would say that Frank was in his 80’s, but that wasn’t what interested me. I asked Frank what he was doing in his retirement years and he said he was retired. When asking further about his comment, he began to tell me about a car he was restoring in the bottom picture.

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It was a Honda NSX built-in the 1990’s. He had never restored a car before so he went on U-tube to get a step-by-step direction in how do take out dents in the car. It took him some time, but all the dents were fixed and it looked as good as new. Next came the painting which he also looked on U-tube for directions and he painted his car after buying the necessary paint equipment for the job.

What blew my mind next was what he was doing at present with his car. The interior leathers needed to be replaced, so he found an old leather sewing machine that he bought and went on U-tube to find out how to sew leather together for the next phase of fixing his NSX Honda. Some of the plastic parts he needed couldn’t be found, so he went on U-tube again and found a process to mold new plastic parts from the old ones. It was too complicated and I don’t remember the process he was using to pre-fabricate the parts. Needless to say Frank is a life long learner.

This may be the only time I ever run into Frank in my lifetime. I had never met him before and may never see him again. But the brief encounter had a huge impact in my thought process of my future. On this journey, I want to be known as a life long learner, which means that I need to continue to learn from the challenges I face and figure out what I need to do to turn obstacles into opportunities.

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After 25 Years, A New Phase


It was 25 years ago that I started into this phase of life. You may ask, “What phase are you talking about?” It is that phase that all parents seem to dread but have to go through it as their children grow and develop. It is a phase of spreading a child’s wings and developing their own mind and perspective of life. It is a phase of challenging authority as they gain independence. It is a time when they get a piece of laminated paper and begin moving four wheels with hundreds of horses pulling the wheels without their parents. It is a phase when they choose to leave the nest and begin planting roots of their own in their own apartment or house or condo. You guessed it. The teenage years.

For me it has been a 25 year process of taking each of my children below, beginning with Deborah and continuing with Victoria. The last to go this phase was my youngest child, Carter. On January 5, 2017, he officially moved out of this phase and I have become an empty nester to a teenager.

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As I look back on this quarter of a century experience, I would never trade that time for any amount of money. Were their times of difficulty and challenges? Absolutely. Were their times when I questioned my ability to deal with the teenage years? Most certainly. Did I find myself wishing that certain actions of my children could be different? No question. But as I look back on the time frame, I am so blessed by the three in the picture and am honored to be their father.

In the midst of the lows and highs of parenting teenagers, I have come to appreciate those lows and highs because it was in those times that I grew the most as a father and friend. The three of them have given me such joy over the years. I am truly blessed. I am a father to them, but more importantly, I see them as close friends and look forward to seeing how the Lord will use them in the future. I look forward to the legacy they will leave here on this earth.

I in some respects will miss the teenage years as the dependence upon me is gone. But a new phase is before me and I want to grab on to it as we progress together with new challenges ahead.

On this journey, we are constantly seeing the old drop off in our life with new opportunities that present themselves to us in the present. Living in the present and looking forward to the future keeps us moving and growing.

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When Least Expected


On January 2, a government holiday where all the offices were closed, I went in for one client and felt like I was all alone in the office, except for the couple who came in.  I was waiting for a ride from my wife to come and pick me up when I was surprised by an elderly man who popped his head into my opened door office.

He began by asking, “Do you remember me a year ago when I was moving into the complex?”  I vaguely remember the incident as his face looked familiar.  He reintroduced himself as Robert who mentored younger business individuals.  We got re-acquainted with pleasantries and then Robert said something that put me back on my heels.

He continued by saying, “You had a big impact in my life when you gave me your philosophy of life.  You said that you sought to live your life one day at a time and treasure each moment, not trying to live your life in the future.”  I vaguely remember saying something to that effect to him, and I do seek to live my life-like that on a daily basis.  What shocked me is that a conversation that took place almost a year ago and lasted for no more than 5 minutes could change the course of his life and cause him to live differently this past year was a shocker.

How many are changed by a word or two given at a very vulnerable time.  It could be a word of encouragement by a parent, a teacher, or a coach that totally turns us around in terms of our direction either in a positive direction or a negative one.  I am reminded of the story that Aaron Rogers, the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers, told of a teacher at the University of California who discouraged him from pursuing a career in professional football because he wouldn’t make it.  Not only did he make it, but when the players are introducing the universities that they came from, Aaron Rogers introduces his community college and not the alma mater of Cal.

We never know the impact we can have on people who drop into our lives if only we are ready to speak to them as the most important people in our lives at that moment.  As I think about it.  They are.  I’m reminded of individuals who knew President John F. Kennedy.  When they were in his presence, it was as if they were the most important people on the face of the earth.  President Kennedy had the ability to make whoever was in his presence feel very valuable.

On this journey, we will have numerous opportunities to speak into the lives of many individuals over the course of this next year.  Your words can be the nourishment someone needs to move them to reaching their maximum potential.

 

 

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Happy New Year


We start another year with hope that the bad things in our lives will change and that the good things that have happened to us will continue to follow us.  Perspective can change the way we look at things.  Profound statement isn’t it.  Let me tell you what I am thinking.

Over the course of years, I have sought to exercise and stay fit for the most part.  I was a physical education major in undergraduate studies at the University of Northern Colorado. I was planning on being one of the top high school coaches in football, basketball and baseball.  Not track.  I hated to run and my knees have been telling me that for years.  Soon after graduation, the course of my life changed and I stopped pursuing a career in coaching sports, but continued coaching relationships which I do today–life coach.

All that to say that I have sought to stay in shape over the decades since my college experience, but the last few months have been a change for me.  I quit exercising.  I quit biking.  I quit walking.  I quit going to the gym to exercise.  I quit.  Every morning I would wake up and not feel motivated to exercise and I wouldn’t.  As I looked on the day-upon-day of not exercising, my perspective of myself began to change.  I would see others exercising, and it caused me to look negatively upon myself in this area of my life.  I was losing hope that I would ever move in a positive direction.  Until last night.

I had a dream and a thought of taking one step at a time in this area.  In fact I woke up and the first thought on my mind was to get up.  Put on my sweats.  Put on my sweat shirt–the old light blue faded one with a faded surfing wave on the front with cut off tattered sleeves.  Put on my black Nike shoes.  Get my bluetooth earphones and phone.  Put my keys in my pocket.  And step by step move toward the garage door.  I did it.  I was out the door to exercise for the first time in months.

My exercise routine was slow and methodical.  I worked on the elliptical for a bit and lifted some weights, concluding with some time in the sauna before leaving the workout facility.  But I did it.  My focus was on today and what I did–today.  If I look at my past, I could very easily get down and discouraged.  But my perspective was riveted on what I did this morning, and I feel good.  It is one step in the process of changing my perspective of me.

This is a new year.  It’s not a new year resolution, but a mindset that I am working on changing one step at a time.  The journey is a life lived out one step at a time.  What step do you want to intentionally change today.  It begins with that one step.

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What/Who Are You Following?


Nadine and I decided to confront the after Christmas crowds and busyness of the parking lots and go to the largest shopping malls for a couple of things that went on sale.  The number of people in the mall was staggering.  It was important to walk on the right side of the mall halls going and coming.  By the way, I didn’t realize that there is a right side to walk and a wrong side.  I was informed that walking on the left side is the wrong side.  Good information to have the next time I go to the mall.

We met our kids at the food court by the white pole.  Do you realize how many white poles there are in the food court?  At least 25 my last count.  We did finally find the white pole they were beside and shared some food with them before we split up and went with Carter to spend the cards he had gotten for Christmas.  What a deal–you buy one piece of clothing and get the second one free.  It was a gold mine for him.

After going into a few of her favorite stores, Nadine wanted to check out one last store that had 60% off the sale items so we had to go there and check out the fabulous deals.  The kids were in the store so we met them there after finding out where they were via the cell phone.  What a great person finder the cell phone turned out to be.  Victoria gave us the scoop on what a fantastic deal she got on a shirt, so we had to look for a deal for Nadine and sure enough we found one.  Unfortunately there were about 20-25 people in line so she got in line and I found a seat to wait for her to check out.

What happened next caused me to pause.  As she was waiting, a man (?) was standing in front of her so she got on her cell phone and was texting her daughter.  Periodically she would look up to see if the person in front of her was moving, but he (?) wasn’t so she continued to text.  After several minutes, a person in back of her asked if she was in line and she responded  that she was.  They then informed her that the line had moved and that she was in fact standing behind a mannequin man.  She was embarrassed and moved past the mannequin.  She wasn’t the only one as I caught a picture a few minutes later of a man who was standing behind the mannequin waiting before he realized it wasn’t moving.

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I wonder how many other people had the same response during the day?  I wonder how many times we seem to be following something or someone who we think will give us guidance and lead us to our goal, only to find that what ever we were pursuing didn’t get us to our intended end.  As someone once said, “We climb the ladder of success only to find that when we reach the top, we find that our ladder was leaning on the wrong building.”

On this journey, a new year is coming up and we have the time to pause before the new year arrives to evaluate where our ladder is leaning, or who we are standing behind.  Periodic evaluation can save us hours, days, months, and even years of potentially pursuing the wrong  person or goal.  Reflection and evaluation is essential  to getting on the right road.

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The Game VS The Prize


Today I did my 33rd year in a row tradition for the family.  Let me explain.  Thirty-three years ago, I decided to plan a treasure hunt for our then 5-year-old daughter.  I created several clues that were hidden in various places.  In order to get to the next clue, she had to figure out the first clue.  After 5-7 clues, the last clue guided her to the place for her best gift of the christmas season.

Over the years, the clues have become more and more vague due to the intelligence of the children.  The increase of our children caused them to use their heads in figuring out the clues, so I have had to become creative to cause the treasure hunt to last 30-45 minutes.  The treasure hunt has not trickled down to my grandkids, as they have gotten into the 33 year tradition.

Today was no exception and off Brayden and Keaton went seeking to figure out the first clue-being under a black machine that fizzes in the kitchen.  Once they figured that out, they were on to the carolers that sing with all their might.  They became really focused on solving the next clue.  The last clue directed them to Tyler’s room that he loves to sleep in.

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The cameras began to roll as the adults were excited to see their reactions when the door was opened and their gifts of legos and a scooter were found.  What happened next shocked all of us.  They opened the door and saw the scooter (Brayden’s gift) and the legos (Keaton’s gift), but they began to look for the next clue.  They saw the gifts, but they were so focused on finding the next clue, that the treasure hunt became more important than finding the gold at the end of the rainbow.

The boys missed the goal.  It reminded me of how many times we as adults do the same.  I was reading in I Timothy 6 where Paul was encouraging Timothy to be content.  “But godliness with contentment is great gain  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.  If we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.  Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires. . .For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil” I Timothy 6:6-10  If money becomes the goal, we will never stop looking for more.  If contentment is the goal, we will seek to be thankful for what we have.  For the boys, the love of the game got them away from what the object of the game was–to find the treasure.

I think another application of this principle can be found in relationships.  Over half of marriages end in divorce today in our society.  Of the couples that stay married, 80%  are unhappy and dissatisfied with life.  Couples find themselves dissatisfied with one another and think that moving to another relationship will solve the problem.  Rather than seeking to be content with the person they are with, they find themselves desiring someone other than their present spouse.  Pursuit becomes more important than becoming satisfied and contented with the one you are with.

On this journey there are many temptations that divert our focus.  Learning to be content with what you have is the starting point for experiencing life to its fullest.

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2016 In The Rear-View Mirror


As I reflect this past year on the 24th day of December, this year like all of last year has been filled with high’s and low’s.  Here is a compilation  of some of the highlights I have been blessed to experience.

The first ended with a Denver Bronco victory over the Carolina Panthers in the Super Bowl of which my mother and my sister are the greatest fans of all. img_0461

Nadine in February sold her two vehicles she had for several years, and surprised me by buying a new truck.  I had missed my truck that I gave to Carter, so I was reacquainted with what a wonderful experience it is to drive a truck.

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It’s always special spending time with the grandkids, even when you get to fly a kite with Brayden, my oldest grandson.

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In April, my middle daughter recommitted her life to the Lord and was baptized by the pastor that founded our church, Don Doe.  It was truly a special occasion.

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In April, my mom cracked her pelvis and was placed in the hospital.  There was a time we didn’t know if she was going to survive, but once they got her off the pain medication that caused her to emulate a stroke, she came back and is walking and talking and better than she was before the fall.  We have visited her several times this year in Colorado Springs.

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On July 27, we celebrated Greyson, our youngest grandson’s 2 year birthday.  He is such a wonderful child and has a personality to go with his red hair.

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During July we also took some time visiting our oldest daughter Deborah and adopted 4th daughter Patty, Deborah’s roommate.  It was the first time for Nadine in Chicago and we had a blast.  We did get caught in a downpour, so we made rain-gear from shopping bags.

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I had the privilege of officiating two weddings in October and November.  The first was in Temecula, CA in the wine country which was a wonderful experience for Nadine and I to get away.

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For 10 years I have been leading a small group bible study and one of the traditions each year is to have the ugliest sweater contest as well as a white elephant gift exchange.  Everyone voted my gift as the worst.  I don’t know why, wouldn’t everyone want some used springs that were taken from a trampoline no longer useful.  There are some white elephant gifts that have come back to be regiven for several years.

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With all the highs of 2016, there were also some lows with relational challenges that caused Nadine and I to be on our knees praying for various situations.  God does say that He causes all things to work out for good to those who love Him.  We have prayed for that outcome and are beginning to see how He is working through those challenges.

On this journey there will be good things as well as challenging things that happen on the road throughout life.  When we put our focus on the source of life, it enables us to look with hope for a positive outcome.  May you experience peace and comfort on your journey for 2017.

 

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Someone Famous In Our Family


I had a whole day off today as we approach Christmas weekend.  Victoria, my daughter, asked me if I could take Brayden, her oldest son, for the afternoon so that she could complete her workweek, which I said, “I would be glad to.”

Brayden is 6 years old and will turn 7 at the end of this month.  Over the months, I have picked him up from school Tuesdays and Thursdays and have kept him until his mom comes from work.  Our time together has been priceless as we have bonded over the months like never before.

Today also happened to be the Christmas party of Airpark Auto Service, an auto repair facility that Nadine owns and runs in north Scottsdale.  We were invited to the party so around 11:50 Brayden and I took off to the shop to eat some wonderful Mexican food from a popular eatery in the area.  While we were waiting to eat, Brayden began to look around at the shop and noticed all the awards that Airpark Auto had received over the years.  He also noticed that each award had a picture of the owner, Nadine, and her key staff accepting the award.

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He asked who owned the shop and when I told him, he stopped and said, “Grandma Nay Nay is famous.  She is in all the pictures around the shop.”  He knew Grandma Nay Nay as a cool person that loved him and made meals when he would come over.  He knew her as someone who periodically would pick him up at school and take him out for ice cream.  He knew her as being married to Grandpa.  He knew her as someone who would come and help bandage up his wounds when he was over at her house and needed that kind of attention.

But today, he saw her differently.  He saw her in an environment that he had never experienced, her auto repair shop.  He saw all the awards that she and her shop won and saw the pictures that dotted the waiting room.  She was a person of much public recognition.  She was a person of many awards.  She was recognized by her peers as someone who exemplified ethics in a world where ethics is challenged (auto repair industry).  His eyes were opened to a whole new dimension of Grandma’s life he had never known until today.  He saw her as famous.

On this journey we will come in contact with people who seem normal in so many respects.  We have a tendency to take them for granted until we take the time to get to know those normal people around us and understand different areas of their life that we were never exposed to.  Maybe, just maybe, we will come face to face with a person who is famous.

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Long Lines


Christmas is upon us.  Parking lots full.  Heavy traffic.  Long check out lines.  Tis the season for car horns honking, and irate people who think that you have taken their parking place.  In the season of gift giving, there are many who find their attitudes inconsistent with the season of joy and love.

For whatever reason, I decided to change my mindset.  I determined to drive slower and not cut people off.  I sought to focus my mind on thinking of positive things when I sat at the stop light, or maybe two or three times it took to get thru that stop light.  I made a conscious decision to park in the farthest parking places from the store so that I could give the closer in places to those more hurried in life.  I found that when I did this, I was getting more exercise and my attitude was changing as well.

And the long lines.  What about the long lines?  I made a conscious decision to interact with people in those long lines and spread some joy.  Two days ago, Nadine and I decided to go shopping.  A little reflection if I may.  Nowadays, more and more people are doing their shopping online.  It creates no hassle.  No long lines.  No parking mishaps.  It’s easy as eating a piece of pie.  For those of us who are older, we like the traditional way of shopping of actually going and being face to face with something we are about to buy.  To each his own.

Well back to my story.  We were in a well-known store and were ready to check out.  They were well-organized and had a line for shoppers to wait in order of when they were ready to check out.  It is ingenious in that you don’t have to guess which line will get you through the quickest.  It took all the fun out of guessing.  As I was waiting there (Nadine was using her last minutes in the store to look for stocking stuffers), I began to talk with the lady in back of me.  I told her “Merry Christmas” and asked her how her holiday was going.  She told me she hated the long lines, and that her Christmas wasn’t going very well.  She was grumpy about all the traffic, and irritable people she had to deal with.  She was grumpy, but she asked me the same questions I had asked her.

I responded by saying that I was having a wonderful experience experiencing Christmas.  She asked me if I liked the long lines and I told her that I did because I got to talk with people like herself.  “Do you like the horrendous traffic?” she asked, and I replied what I was seeking to do in the holiday traffic.  We talked awhile longer and then she said something that warmed my heart.  “I think I’m going to have a better Christmas and feel better about the holidays as a result of this time.”

I came across a passage in the bible this morning that summed up what I am seeking to do this holiday season.  “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. . . And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.. . .Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”  Colossians‬ ‭3:12, 14; 4:5-6‬ ‭NIV

On this journey, we have choices in how we act toward those we come in contact with.  This could be an opportunity to truly spread the spirit of joy and love to unsuspecting people including our loved ones.  Enjoy the journey.

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